Hidden Love Affair
by Aertyn - Fluff Monster
Summary: What would have happened if Jack and Sam had met before she was transferred to the SGC and before Jack was reactivated. Will follow through to season 8 eventually. Reviews are always welcome. Chapter 17: Point of View, now up.
1. The Start of it all

**Disclaimer: Stargate and it's characters are not owned by me, they are owned by MGM, Gecko etc etc.**

**Rating: M 15+ for the sex scene towards the end.**

**Background: This story occurs a week before 'Children of the Gods', and tells a tale of what would have happened if Jack and Sam had have met before that mission. This will eventually turn into a serious, I'll be doing 2-3 Stargate episodes per seasons (depends on what happens in that season) and then for some seasons I'll be writing a season review, which will be a yearly review of their lives.**

**Hope you all enjoy this story, and I would really really love reviews on this story, as reviews are like food for writers, we need it to survive.**

**Song is - Something about the way you look tonight by Elton John  
**

* * *

Jack hadn't drunk much since the Abydos mission. But tonight, he had felt a pull to come to this place, to just sit in a corner and watch the world go past as he sipped at a bottle of his favorite beer. And that's when he saw 'her'. She was playing pool. Actually, she was destroying her opponents with such ease that she made even the best of them look mediocre. As she swiped the bills off the side of the table, she flashed her opponent a grin as he scowled at her, flexing and tensing his muscles as he walked over to her, coming far to close her for her liking as she stepped back, bumping into the bar as he continued advancing on her. Jack slammed his bottle down on the table before he unfolded his lean frame from behind it and strode over, calmly tapping the guy on the shoulder as he closed in again on the blonde women.

"Hey." He said jovially as the guy swung around, his hands clenching into fists. Jack smiled as he stared down at the man, who was clearly inebriated, "Why don't you leave the lady alone?"

"Make me." The guy challenged, his eyes flashing as he swung wildly at Jack, aiming at his gut, intending to wind him. Jack easily dodged out of the way and grabbed the guys arm, twisting it so that his opponent followed it and ended up on the floor before he even realized that he hadn't connected with Jack.

"Like I said, why don't you leave the lady alone?" Jack warned him as he stepped over the man's winded body towards the blonde women.

"You alright ma'am?" he asked as he stared at the beauty in front of him. God she was gorgeous, her long legs were covered in a pair of light coloured jeans that hugged her body and made Jack's mouth run dry, trying to look nonchalant his eyes trailed up her torso, over the light blue tank top that left little to the imagination and to her face, bright blue eyes stared back at him, her face surrounded by a halo of golden hair.

"I'm fine, he didn't get much of a chance to touch me. Thanks for saving me." She said sincerely as she slid onto a stool. He was gorgeous, rugged, his face was creased with lines, and he had the most amazing dimples she had ever seen. His chocolate brown eyes were staring at her, with the same expression that the guy on the floor had, but this time it didn't make her feel nervous, it made her feel…excited.

"No problem ma'am, may I buy you a drink?" Jack took a leap into the unknown as he too slid onto a stool.

"Sure." The women answered as she continued to stare at the man next to her out of the corner of her eye, he was so sexy, and yet the way he moved indicated that he had no idea the effect he had on women. The way those jeans hugged his butt, and his dark coloured shirt, open at the collar, revealing a smattering of hair that she longed to touch.

"So, what would you like…" Jack trailed off as he realized that he didn't even know this women's name.

Sam broke out of her thoughts, a light flush creeping up her face as her last thoughts dispersed quickly, "Samantha, and I'll have a Guinness."

"Samantha…" Jack said aloud, the name rolling of his tongue in a way that made his stomach curl, "Jack." He said quickly, holding out his hand, his mind giving a loud yell as she placed her own hand inside his and curled her lean fingers around his hand. Giving a small smile he gently retracted his hand from her grasp…had it been that sweaty when he held it out…and the heck was it trembling? Holding up two fingers to the bar tender, who nodded and bought over two bottles of Guinness for them.

"So, Samantha, what is it you do for a living?" Jack asked as he took a casual swig of his beer.

"I'm a…scientist, Astrophysics." Sam replied, groaning inwardly, most guys get scared off by her profession, well that and the whole 'I'm a Major in the US Air Force' thing.

"Really, so you study…the universe?"

"Sort of, I study the physical properties, such as the luminosity, density, temperature and chemical make up of celestial objects, which is a fancy term for stars and galaxies." Sam explained, dumbing her explanation down as much as she could.

"That's pretty… cool, I'm somewhat of an amateur astronomer myself, always been interested in what's out there, so to speak, mind you, I just sorta look at the stars, I don't…analyse them." He said with a slight laugh in his voice as Samantha smiled at him and took a swig of her own bottle.

As the night wore on, they talked more and more about themselves, though both never touched on their time in the Air Force, for Jack it was simply because most of it was classified, but also because it was an incredibly dark period of his life. For Sam it was because she didn't want to scare Jack away, every relationship she'd ever had, bar one, had been destroyed slowly by her standing in the military. The band that had been playing earlier in the night had long since packed up, and the owner had set up the jukebox to play some quiet background music.

"Want to dance?" Sam asked suddenly, nervously, and Jack sensed this as he gave a slow smile.

"Yeah, sure." He replied as he followed her to the dance floor, one hand coming to rest on her waist, the other reaching out to grasp her hand as she rested her hands casually on his shoulders as the jukebox clunked and a new disk slid into the slot.

_There was a time  
I was everything and nothing all in one  
When you found me  
I was feeling like a cloud across the sun_

Jack stared down at the women in his arms as the began to sway in time with the music as she pulled her body in closer to his so that her head was resting against his chest as his arm moved to wrap themselves protectively around her waist and his other drew their arms in between them, clasped tightly in the space between their bodies.

_I need to tell you  
How you light up every second of the day  
But in the moonlight  
You just shine like a beacon on the bay_

'Jack, you are a fool, you've known this women for what…5 hours, and you've fallen for her…harder than you've ever fallen for anyone.' Jack mused to himself as he glanced down as Samantha as she swayed her hips against his, her eyes closed.

'Samantha, what are you doing…you've known this man for 5 hours, and you are already imagining the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids…' Samantha scolded herself as she leant further into the touch of this man who had firmly wrapped himself around her heart.

_And I cant explain  
But its something about the way you look tonight  
Takes my breath away  
Its that feeling I get about you, deep inside  
And I cant describe  
But its something about the way you look tonight  
Takes my breath away  
The way you look tonight_

"You're so incredibly beautiful Samantha." Jack whispered against her hair, "When I saw you playing pool…you took my breath away, you shine like an angel." Jack had never been very good at expressing his emotions with words, but to him this was important, she had to know what he was feeling.

_With a smile  
You pull the deepest secrets from my heart  
In all honesty  
I'm speechless and I don't know where to start_

Opening her eyes, Samantha looked up at Jack as he smiled shyly down at her, his head bending as he captured her lips with his own in a tender, yet the most passionate kiss that they had both ever experienced in their lives. The world stopped turning, as Samantha laid her heart on the table and kissed him back with more passion, desire and lust that she could muster, and was surprised when Jack responded with the same emotions.

As the song ended they remained in a close embrace, swaying in perfect harmony.

"Samantha…I don't want to rush this…" Jack said later as they waited outside for the cab they had called.

"Jack…" Samantha whispered as she leant over and gave him an open mouthed kiss both almost losing control at the thought of this going further before she leant back, both panting slightly, "I want this…I need this…I know it's stupid, and defies all scientific reasoning, but my heart has been cold for so long, you warmed it tonight. I want you to keep warming my heart for a long time to come."

"Samantha…" Jack groaned out as she pressed her body against his, drawing on his warmth against the cool night air, "I want this too, I've been in a dark place for so long, you have bought light into my heart…into my soul." He whispered earnestly as he trapped her lips with his own, neither noticing the cab pulling up.

Hearing the impatient honk from the driver the broke apart, smiling sheepishly as they climbed into the back seat, not once letting go of each other's hand. Jack kept staring at her, as if this were some wonderful dream, grinning goofily as he stroked her hand, sending shivers and tingles up and down her body.

As the cab dropped them off in front of Jack's house, she shivered against the cold as Jack lead her up the path to the door, his hands shaking slightly as he put the key in the lock. Taking a deep breathe he swung the door open and guided Samantha into the entry way.

"Do you want a drink or…" Jack never got a chance to finish the sentence as Samantha launched an assault on his body, tugging his shirt free of his pants as she peppered kisses along his jawline.

"I don't want a drink Jack, I want you…I need you." She mumbled against his collarbone as his hands began to work their own magic, inching under her top and stroking the pale skin that was hidden underneath. Inching further up her top, he cupped one breast lightly in his palm as she groaned against his touch, her back arching slightly as he ran a finger over the already taut peak.

"Not here…my room." He muttered thickly as he backed her down the hall towards his room, shedding clothes awkwardly as the went, when they finally reached Jack's room, shoes had been kicked off, Jack's shirt was unbuttoned and hanging loosely of his shoulders, his fly partially undone. Samantha's tank top was long gone, and her jeans were undone as well.

"This is not going to work…" Samantha mumbled as they both tried to tug each other's pants off, causing their bodies to crash heavily onto the bed.

"Huh?" Jack mumbled as he ran his mouth sensually down her neck towards her breasts, still straining against the material of her bra, one hand reaching around to stroke her back, before beginning work on the clasp, it snapped open and they helped to drag it from her body. A groan issuing from both of them as he latched onto her nipple with his mouth.

"God…Jack…" Samantha moaned as her back arched into his mouth, she'd had sex before of course, but it had never been like this, she'd sometimes have to almost will her body into responding to the touches of a man. But not with this man, definitely not with this man, her body was responding to his touch, the feel of his hands running down the ridges of her spine, the way his breath tingled across her skin, they feel of his mouth against her own, every one of these sent tremors and shudders down her body, pooling in her core, like a spring being slowly tightened.

"Samantha…just let me…get my bearings here…" Jack struggled to get out, his breath coming in short gasps as he sat up, dragging his shirt off and tossing it on the floor as began tugging his pants off those too joining his shirt on the floor as he turned around to face Samantha, who was peering at him with desire and lust clouding her eyes. Her hands fumbling on her pants as she tried to drag them down her body. Jack eagerly reached out to help and dragged them off her body, flinging them onto the floor as he gulped at the women in front of him, she was beautiful, her skin was silken smooth and Jack trailed a hand lazily up her body, her skin dancing under his touch as he hurriedly tugged his boxers off.

"Samantha I…" Jack started as her hands reached out and stroked his chest lovingly, splaying out on his chest as she pulled her body up to meet his, her lips tenderly brushing over his as she straddled his legs.

"Shut up." She said against them as she shifted her weight slightly, brushing the apex of her thighs against his rigid penis, causing a shuddering gasp to emanate from his lips as his eyes darkened with lust, her fingers gliding down his chest as his arms moved and grasped her waist gently as hers disappeared beneath them and grasped his penis, running her nails gently over the sensitized skin before she gripped him and drew her hands up and down his length several times, her eyes glinting as Jack groaned in response his hips rising off the bedspread, "Jack…calm down…" Samantha whispered as she leaned in to kiss him again.

"Can't…I need you." Jack rasped out when she finally relinquished her hold on his lips, her hands still working their magic on his engorged penis, "Samantha…please stop." He finally begged as Samantha let go, grinning broadly she leaned back arching her back as she placed herself over him.

"You want me to stop?" she asked as she lowered her hips slightly, the tip of his penis entering her.

"No…God no…" he choked out as he raised his hips to meet hers, stretching her wide as he slipped further into her.

"Good." She stated as she slid herself further down on him, nearly losing her senses when he twirled his hips slightly, "god…" she muttered as she finally plunged onto him fully. Samantha knew at that point that she could never feel this way about anyone else, she'd only known Jack for 6 or so hours…but she had been yearning for him for so much longer, he was the nameless, faceless man that she had wished for every night of her life. A man who loved her, respected her and trusted her.

Jack was the first one to move after what seemed to be an eternity, both lost in the raptures of being in and surrounded by someone that they had waited a lifetime for. Pushing upwards to give himself some leverage, he began to gently slide in and out of her, trying to not hurt her as she fell into rhythm with him. His chocolate brown eyes were wide open as he gazed at Samantha as she rose and fell on his body, her head tilted back in ecstasy as he felt the first tremors of her orgasm, she shifted slightly so that when she slid onto him one last he hit her g-spot, her body shuddering against his as she rippled around him, her mind scattering to the four winds as she murmured his name again and again into his shoulder. As the last of her tremors subsided she leaned back and gazed at Jack, before she began to move on him again, raggedly, her body not quite following the demands of her brain, which was still floating in ecstasy from the most incredible orgasm she had ever had.

"Samantha…let me…" Jack murmured as he swung them both round onto the bed, positioning himself carefully on top of her, trying to crush her with his weight as her legs came up to wrap themselves around his waist as he began to move against her, driving himself gently into her warm body, his eyes never once leaving hers, and then finally he felt the muscles tighten in his abdomen as he pushed deep inside her, his back arching as he emptied himself inside her, her name on his lips as his hips bucked slightly from the ferocity of his orgasm.

"God…oh god…" he mumbled as he dropped and rolled onto his side as his own pulsing finally subsided, not wanting to hurt Samantha, drawing her into his body as they both breathed deeply, "I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked as he stroked her hair tenderly.

"No…never." She replied as she curled into his body, never wanting to let go of him, never wanting to let go of this. This was where she belonged, in Jack's arms. Here, she knew she was safe, protected and cared about…loved even.

As the women in his arms slowly drifted off to sleep, he looked down at her beautifully carved features and whispered 3 words that he never thought he'd say again, "I love you."

"…love you too." Samantha mumbled back at him, her mind in that place where her defenses were down and she was able to state how she really felt about the man whose arms she was cradled in.

* * *

Both were awoken in the early morning by a beeping coming from the floor, groaning Samantha recognized it as her pager as she untangled herself from Jack's embrace, scrounged around for her pants finally coming up triumphant, pulling her pager out she groaned again.

"Jack?" she asked as she pulled her pants on and looked around for her top before realizing it was probably in the hallway.

"mmm?" Jack mumbled back as he say up, his hair ruffled from sleep, making him look all the more gorgeous.

"Can I use your phone?"

"Sure…it's in the kitchen…umm, down the hall and to the right." He mumbled as he gazed at Samantha's back as she moved smoothly out into the hall, "You want breakfast?" he called after her as he pulled a pair of sweats on.

"Maybe." She called back as she pulled her top over her head and moved towards the phone, dialing quickly she turned towards the wall as she muttered into it, leaning her forward on the wall as she sighed, "Yeah, I'll be there." She clunked the phone down walked over to where Jack had been pretending not to listen, "Change of plans, I have to go back to DC today…as in as soon as possible" Jack gave a wry smile as he drew her into a hug, etching her into his mind, "I'll be back next weekend though, maybe on a more permanent basis." She added as she looked up into Jack's eyes as they lit up in hope.

"I hope you can come back to the 'Springs on a more permanent basis Samantha…I couldn't live with only seeing you on weekends." He kissed her gently on forehead, "You need a ride?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice." She replied as she committed the feel of Jack's body to her memory. It was going to be a long week.

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** Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, if things go according to plan I should have the next chapter up within the next 4 days.**

**Please Review...please don't make me beg for reviews...coz you know, I'll do it. **


	2. Children of the Gods

**Disclaimer: Stargate and it's characters are not owned by me, owned by MGM, Gecko, blah blah you guys know the rest.**

**Rating: K**

**Spoiler: Children of the Gods**

**Thank you to Stargate-sg1. com for having the transcripts on the web, whilst I enjoyed watching the episode yet again, it was nice being able to just copy and paste the lines from the web and not having to watch and rewatch scenes to get it exactly right.  
**

**Thank you to the people who reviewed, it really does make a writer's day when people review, even if it's negative, it's still nice to get feedback**

* * *

It was mid afternoon before Sam was back in DC, back in her dress blues, and back at the Pentagon

"Captain Carter reporting as ordered, sir." Sam gave a crisp salute as she stood rigidly in front of her CO.

"At ease Captain." He said as he pulled a few folders from a drawer and slid a folder towards her, "You are being transferred to the SGC in Colorado Springs, here are your transfer forms and information on the mission that you are to undertake."

"Mission, sir?" Sam asked as she picked the folder up and flicked through it.

"Early this morning some hostiles came through the Stargate, attacked and killed 4 SGC personnel and took another through the Stargate with them. You have the rest of the day to pack your belongings as there is a mission briefing scheduled for 0800 hours tomorrow, and you are expected to attend. A car will be along to pick you up in approximately 5 hours to drive you to the airport, where you will catch a helicopter to Colorado Springs." Sam nodded curtly to show that she had understood as he CO paused, "Good luck, and Good speed Captain, dismissed."

"Thank you, sir!" Sam saluted again, smiling broadly. Back to Colorado Springs. Back to Jack. Turning crisply on her heel she walked out of the Pentagon and towards her car.

* * *

Jack heard the car coming up the driveway, it was dark…late, who would be coming by at this time of night? Hoping, wishing that they wouldn't find the…

"There's a ladder over here?" …they found the ladder, Jack swore in his head but ignored them until someone climbed up.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill?"

"Retired" Jack replied, without looking away from the scope on his telescope.

"I'm Major Samuels." Jack could feel the discomfort radiating off him, and took some strange sort of pleasure from that

"Air Force?" He asked, still not taking his eyes away from the stars that he could view.

"Yes, sir. I'm the General's Executive Officer."

"Want a little piece of advice, Major?" Jack began, twiddling the knobs on his 'scope, "Get re-assed to NASA. That's where all the actions gonna be. Out there."

"I'm, uh, under orders to bring you to see General Hammond."

"Never heard of him."

"He replaced General West. He says it's important. Has to do with the 'Stargate.'" Jack turned around, his attention suddenly ripped away from the stars, his mind ticking over, and they only thing that he could think was 'Oh Crap.'

* * *

Jack had been filled in on what happened, shock had been the first feeling and had ranged right through the set of emotions, before finally settling on acceptance of what he now had to do. Which was to fix what he had started when he hadn't bought Daniel Jackson home, and when he hadn't destroyed the Abydos Gate. And now standing in the Briefing room, wearing his annoying Dress Blues at precisely 0800 hours the next morning, he couldn't believe that one moment of weakness had lead to the death of 4 good men, and the abduction of a women.

"Ten Hut!" Major Samuels called as General Hammond stepped out of his office, Jack turning around immediately and giving a shockingly crisp salute.

"Gentleman, where's Captain Carter?" Hammond asked as he glanced around at the men at the table.

"Just arriving, sir." Samuels replied

"Carter?" Jack tried to remain focused as his mind immediately swept to two nights previous when he had fallen into bed with a women named Samantha Carter.

**Flashback.**

"I know this sounds weird Jack…but about last night, I'm not the sort of person who does one night stands, last night was an anomaly for me." Samantha began awkwardly as they sat in his car, waiting for the light to turn green at the traffic lights.

"You regret this?" Jack said sadly as he fidgeted with the stick.

"For a brief second, I thought I might, but I don't Jack." Samantha turned to look at him, as a huge grin graced his face, the light turning green and the traffic began to move.

"I'm not sure how long I'm going to take in DC, but I hope to be back by the weekend…but um, I can't wait that long to talk to you again." Samantha said, a blush creeping up her face.

"Me either, Samantha." Jack said as he turned into the small airport and pulling into a spare car space, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen he scrawled his name on the paper, along with his phone number.

"O'Neill…" Samantha said as he handed her the paper, and grabbing another piece jotted her own name and number down and handed it to him.

"Carter…" Jack just loved the way it rolled of his tongue, and Samantha shivered slightly, even when he said her first name it made her hot under the collar, but him saying her surname was positively…seductive.

Leaning over he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips, and brushed his hand over her cheek.

"Is that the best you can come up with?" Samantha challenged as Jack grinned slyly, before she leant in, touching her lips against his. Her eyes closing as the kiss deepened, mouths opened and hands began running roaming backs as Samantha was the first to break away, both panting heavily.

"Til the weekend." She whispered seductively as she slipped out of the car, leaving a slightly dazed Jack staring open mouthed at her receding back.

**End Flashback**

"I'm assigning Sam Carter to this mission."

"I'd prefer to put together my own team, sir." Jack replied, his heart jumping out of his chest, Samantha had said nothing about being in the military, yet the coincidences were starting to add up.

"Not on this mission. Sorry. Carter's our expert on the Stargate."

"Where is he transferring from?" Jack asked.

"She is transferring from the Pentagon." Came from the doorway, Jack's blood freezing in his veins.

Crap! He knew that voice, it was the same voice that had cried out his name in ecstasy, the same voice that had told him that she loved him just hours after first meeting. As she sauntered in, her eyes never leaving his as she rounded the table to stand in front of him.

"I take it you're Colonel O'Neill. Captain Samantha Carter reporting, sir."

"But of course you go by Sam?" Kawalsky asked. If Jack wasn't in the same room as his CO, and the women that he loved, he would have kissed the guy.

Samantha…Sam, gave a fake laugh, "You don't have to worry, Major. I played with dolls when I was a kid." Her hackles already raised, she laced her words with venom.

"G.I Joe?" Kawalsky pressed, unfazed by her tone of voice.

"No, Major Matt Mason."

"Oh. Who?" he asked turning to Ferretti

"Major Matt Mason, Astronaut Doll. Did you have that cool little backpack that made him fly?" Ferretti asked, staring at Sam in a way that made Jack want to reach over and belt the crap outta him…Kawalsky too.

"Let's get started." Hammond jumped in as Sam slid into her seat, Jack remained standing, "Colonel?"

"Thank you. For those of you on your first trip through the gate... You should be prepared for what to expect." Jack began, trying hard, but failing in his attempt to stop mentally undressing Sam.

"I've practically memorized your report from the first mission. I'd like to think I've been preparing for this all my life." Sam piped up, staring him straight back, a small smile playing at her lips, as if she knew exactly what he were doing.

"I think what the Colonel is saying is... Have you ever pulled out a simulated bombing run in an F-16 at eight plus gees?" Kawalsky asked, going for the 'you're a women, so therefore cannot handle this.' Tact.

"Yes." Sam replied evenly, staring him down, obviously stumping him as he took several seconds to respond.

"Well, it's way worse than that." He finally came out with, sounding stupid…child like even. Jack raised his eyebrows slightly at Sam, not many people could handle doing that.

"By the time you get to the other side, you're frozen stiff, like you've just been through a

blizzard, naked." Ferretti said, smiling slightly at the thought of Captain Carter naked.

"That's a result of the compression your molecules undergo during the millisecond required for reconstitution." Sam replied, her voice clearly showing that she was most displeased with the current line of.

"Oh, here we go another scientist. General... please?" Jack said, finally tearing his eyes away from Sam's.

"Theoretical astrophysicist." She corrected, hiding the smile rather effectively from her face.

"Which means...?" Jack said blankly, truly having forgotten exactly what it was she did.

"Which means she is smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate." Hammond piped up again, if he didn't know better he would swear these two were married.

"Colonel, I was studying the gate technology for two years before Daniel Jackson made it work and before you both went through. I should have gone through then. But, sir, you and your men might as well accept the fact that I am going through this time." Sam said, once again staring Jack down, her piercing blue eyes reaching right into his core.

"Well, with all due respect, doctor, I –" Jack said, immediately regretting his words, this was really going to come back to haunt him later.

"It is appropriate to refer to person by their rank, not their salutation. You should call me Captain, not Doctor." she interrupted. Damn she was really pissed off at him now.

"Captain Carter's assignment to this unit is not an option, it's an order." Hammond had had just about enough of these two, acting like two spoilt kids.

"I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle." As Sam finished her diatribe, a few nervous titters sounded around the room as Jack looked down at the table briefly before he spoke again. Jack groaned inwardly, wishing she would stop talking about…reproductive organs, as it was causing his own organs to respond. Sliding into a seat, hoping to hide it from everyone else in the room

"Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists." He stared at her in a way that made her knees shudder, and her stomach clench.

"Colonel, I logged over a hundred hours in enemy airspace during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you? Or are we gonna have to arm wrestle?" The corners of her mouth turned up in a slight smile as she said that, the images running through both of them of the implications of that statement.

Samuels of course chose that moment to jump in, effectively throwing a bucket of cold water over them as they both stared shyly at each other. The briefing went along fairly smoothly, with Hammond giving them the all clear to go back through the gate to Abydos. As they stood up, Jack and Sam looked at each other in a way that clearly said 'We need to talk.'

"Colonel, why don't you give the Captain a quick tour of the base before you have to get ready to embark." Hammond said as he closed the door to his office and sighed. He would have had to be a blind fool to miss the sparks of attraction flying between Carter and O'Neill, he just hoped it wouldn't be too much of a problem.

"So…awkward." Jack said as they wandered down a little used hallway.

"Ya think?" Sam answered as she tried to avoid his gaze, but failing yet again as she tilted her head to the side and met Jack's glorious brown eyes, gulping slightly she wrenched her sight away, her stomach had done that weird clenching thing again, and her heart had skipped a beat when he gave that smile.

"You never said you were in the Air Force." Jack finally said as they turned a corner.

"You never asked, and might I remind you that you never mentioned that you are…were…a retired Colonel either."

Stopping suddenly, Jack pointed out the women's locker room, "You better get changed Sam…Carter." Jack smiled sadly as he used her surname, for now it would have be the only way they could call each other, by rank or surname, "I'll meet you back here in 10, we'll continue the tour and then do lunch. I hear they have jello!" He gave a cheery wave as Sam stepped into the room to get changed.

5 hours later, everyone was full of lunch, Sam having surprised them all by easily consuming the equal of even the biggest guys going through the gate, and everyone was suited up and ready to embark as they entered the gate room. After an encouraging speech from Hammond, they moved out, save for two Sam and Jack, who was waiting patiently for her to walk up the ramp.

"Captain…" he prompted gently

"Don't worry, Colonel. I won't let you down."

"Good. I was gonna say "ladies first" God she was gorgeous when she looked like that, complete awe shone from her face as she stared at the open wormhole.

"You know, you really will like me when you get to know me." She said jovially as they walked up the ramp, knowing full well how he felt about her.

"Oh, I adore you already, Captain." He said honestly.

"My God! Look at this! The energy the gate must release to create a stable wormhole, it's astronomical, to use exactly the right word." Sam paused as she gently reached out and touched the shimmering wall of water, her eyes wide open as she processed all this information, knowing that she was witnessing something that up until this moment had been nothing but a theory, "You can actually see the fluctuations in the event horizon…"

Jack had been staring at her the whole time, smiling at the child like glee on her face at seeing something that was a dream come true for Sam, glancing at the shimmering wall…event horizon, he gave Sam a gentle shove into it. Taking a moment to gather his senses he followed her through...to find her sitting down next to the gate.

"Oh,I think I'm gonna be sick" Sam whined as Jack smiled wryly.

"Maybe you shouldn't have had that big lunch, huh?" Jack said, as he gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder as he walked past, Sam scrambling to follow him.

All in all, the mission was a sort of success. Yes they bought Daniel Jackson home, but Sha're and Skaara had both been taken as hosts. They had been captured, locked up, and nearly killed before Teal'c, first prime of Apophis turned on his fellow Jaffa and helped them escape back to Earth. As Jack, Sam, Daniel and Teal'c stood on the gate ramp, each contemplating what had just happened and what was in store for them.

Jack and Sam knew what this meant for them, knew that they would have to hide their feelings for each other, as hard as that may be, but there was something out there. Something far more important was at stake, and they knew that this had to be put on hold, but both knowing that there mutual attraction was far to great for them to deny.

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**Now...you see that little button underneath this and to the left...yes, the one that says 'review' click that and all your dreams will come true...okay, maybe that last part is a lie...but still, underneath this is a button that says review...click it...and you'll make me happy :D **


	3. Aftermath

**Disclaimer: Stargate is owned by other people, MGM, Gecko etc etc...you guys know the drill with the disclaimer. I claim no rights to these characters and they belong to MGM, Gecko etc etc...blah blah**

**Rating: M18+...because of the Sex Scene :D**

**Ask and ye shall receive. This takes place the night after Children of the Gods. Hope everyone enjoys it, and thank you to those who reviewed the previous chapter, you guys made my day. Please continue to do so, I've had a pretty awful couple of days...and I need a little cheering up, reviews may not work...but they can't hurt :D **

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Sam had sat in her car outside his house, she hadn't called but she knew he would be home. They had come to some sort of unspoken agreement during their first mission that they couldn't continue this. Sitting at that table during the mission de-brief, Jack had been unable to meet her eyes, always letting them slide past her when she tried to make contact with them, her heart nearly breaking in two. And that's why she was here. Steeling herself she flung open the door of her car and marched up the drive, nearly breaking the bell when she pressed it. 

And then, there he was, her heart skipped a beat every time she saw him. When he threw that smile her way, it could make her melt on the spot, and he was giving her that smile now.

"Sam." He said quietly, meeting her eyes for the first time today.

"Can I come in?" Sam asked, as her hands curled and uncurled at her side, showing her nerves.

"You sure that's wise?" Jack asked as he swung the door open to allow her entrance.

"No…yes…I don't know Jack…" She whispered as she stepped past him, his scent immediately enveloping her, her alarm system were sounding. This wasn't a good idea, both knew this wasn't a good idea. But he had still opened the door to allow her entrance, and she had walked through that doorway. And both knew that there was no going back now. Jack closed the door behind her, sliding the bolt into place as he turned around to see Sam leaning against the wall, staring at him with her bright blue eyes, her mouth tugged into a smile.

Taking the initiative Jack closed the distance between the two of them, so only a small gap remained between there two bodies, reaching up he gently stroked her cheek.

"Jack…" escaped from Sam's lips as Jack finally gave into his own needs and pressed his lips against hers, a moan of need escaping from them both as Sam wrapped her arms around Jack's neck, dragging him further into her body as his crushed hers against the wall. As her mouth opened, Jack's tongue quickly delved into it's depths, swirling beautifully as it met with hers. Drawing back, he released her mouth and rested his forehead against hers, staring into her lust clouded eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his heart was pounding, the blood roaring in his body and settling…well, it was settling.

"Don't be, we both wanted it." Sam said back, her arms untangling themselves as they came to rest between them, one hand over his heart mesmerizing her with it's erratic beat, "This is crazy you know, I've known you for 4 days, and I've never felt so…drawn too and connected to someone in my life…" Sam was halted in her speech by Jack's mouth as it latched onto hers again, his hands roaming down her body, causing gasps and moans to escape from her.

As Jack's hands reached the bottom of her shirt, she gave a shuddering gasp against his lips as they delved underneath, finding the smooth flesh that he sought to have pressed against his own, pulling her shirt up, he finally had to let go of her mouth as she helped him by raising her arms as he ripped it over her head, groaning with desire Jack bent his head to nibble on her neck, leaving a trail of wet sloppy kiss marks as he reached the hollow where her collarbones met, sucking and pulling at the flesh as Sam's hands scrambled to undo the buttons but struggled in trying to control her movements before finally giving up and tearing it open, buttons popping off and flying in all directions as Sam giggled quietly.

"No giggling Captain." He murmured as his mouth trailed back up her neck to meet her swollen lips for a moment before he pulled back again, looking down as he undid the clasp on her jeans, tugging them down her legs as she reached for his own pants, which were bulging in the front, straining for release which Sam gladly granted as she tugged his pants off, his boxers going with his pants as he stood back, staring at the beauty in front of him as she panted and gasped against the wall.

"God, your beautiful." He mumbled as he reached out with a trembling hand, trailing it from her collarbone down to her breast, still confined within the white material of her bra, Jack gently cupped and ran his thumb around the taut peak, the material enhancing the sensations as Sam arched her back into his grasp. Leaving her breast his hand ran down her belly, leaving a trail of goosebumps in it's wake as they found the hem of her panties and without hesitation, pulled them down her hips his hand quickly disappearing between the apex of her thighs as her panties pooled around her feet. Jack's lean fingers quickly found what they sought for as they swirled around between the folds, coating them in her wetness as he pressed a finger gently to her taut mound, her hips rocking awkwardly against his touch.

"I'm sorry, Sam, I can't wait any longer." He mumbled as he pulled his hand out, sucking the juices from it as the other wound around her back, coming to rest about her butt, stepping closer to her as his other hand came around to grasp her other cheek he raised her off the floor, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist as his hard penis quivered at her entrance before he gave a gentle thrust, pushing deep into Sam, stretching and filling her as her back arched, pressing her breasts into his face as his mouth latched onto a nipple, sucking it into his mouth, scraping his teeth along the swollen, tender parts as he began to move his hips, sliding in and out of her with a surprising amount of restraint.

"Jack…" Sam mumbled, as he fingers dug into his shoulders, he raised his eyes to meet hers as she whispered her invitation to him, "Lose yourself in me."

Releasing her breast, "Sam, I don't want to hurt you."

"You wont Jack, please for me…" Lust and desire filling her eyes as Jack dropped his head, one arm grasping a leg and hooking it higher up, allowing him greater access he began to move deeper into her, filling her completely. Closing his eyes, he began thrusting into her harder, her cries of joy pushing him further in the depths of pleasure as he continued to thrust into her.

Sam's thoughts were floating in a green haze of enjoyment, as Jack drove his body into hers. Stars began forming in front of her eyes, as something coiled deep in her belly before it exploded from her, a cry tore from her lips as her orgasm ripped through her body, "Ohhh…god…Jaaaack…" she screamed as she felt him shudder.

Jack's thoughts were shattered as Sam began to convulse and ripple around him, drawing him further in, her cry finally broke him and he rammed inside her one last time, his own voice joining hers as he exploded inside, his body shuddering as his hips rocked into hers with the power of his own orgasm.

"God…Sam" he mumbled as he dropped his head to rest on her chest, his breathing matching her own as they struggled to draw breathe in. His knees gave a worrying tremble as his senses returned to him, "Sam…I dunno if I can stand like this for much longer…" Jack hated to admit that, but he didn't want to crush her if he tumbled.

Nodding numbly Sam unwrapped her legs and lowered them, dragging Jack's mouth to her own as she pulled them both to the ground and wrapped her sweating, sated body around his, her head dropping to his shoulder as he stroked her hair.

"Jack?" Sam asked awhile later, he hadn't moved in awhile and feared he may have gone to sleep.

"yeah?"

"I can't give this…you…us, up." She said earnestly, raising her head to meet his gaze, a broad grin on his face, his brown eyes sparkling

"Me either Sam." He said quietly, his hands starting to move gently on her back, massaging her sore muscles, "We can hide this, we are professionals after all. At the SGC we'll be Carter and O'Neill…but here we can be Jack and Sam, two people who are in love."

"I love you Jack." Sam whispered as her head dropped back onto his shoulder, her head suddenly weary, it had been a very long week, and she had barely slept the last few nights, but now she slept the sleep of someone who was calm, safe and in the arms of someone she knew loved her and would protect her from the dangers that they now faced.

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**-sends subliminal message through the computer- review the chapter...review the chapter... **


	4. Emancipation

**Disclaimer: Started is owned by MGM, Gecko and a group of guys who refuse to get Jack and Sam together...we need resolutions people...resolutions!**

**Rating: T...just in case**

**Spoilers: Emancipation**

**I tried a couple of times to write this chapter in the 3rd person, but it just wouldn't work, So I had a go at it in the 1st person. The result isn't too bad, considering it is my first story in the 1st person in about 5 years.**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter, Reviews would be lovely (as always). I would also like to thank those who reviewed my last chapter, it did indeed make me feel a bit better, knowing that people were and still are enjoying reading my stories. I got some news today, and whilst it was neither good nor bad, it certainly...brightened my day, coming home and reading those reviews made it all the better.  
**

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The first thing I noticed about this planet was the trees. There were lots of them. Not that I don't like trees. But lots of trees tend to scream 'boring mission'. Kinda disappointed about that I must say. Of course that didn't last thing, never does really. Another thing that screamed was a really scared kid that had come running from beyond a crest of a hill, followed by a pack of dogs. So we did the right thing, we saved the kid. And then we were realized that we were in a whole world of trouble…or to be more precise, Sam was. She was a woman (and boy didn't I know that!), and it was taboo to look upon a women or something, to be honest I'm not sure WHY they were complaining about looking at Sam… 

Daniel was all excited, nearly a little 'too' excited if you get my drift…and thought it'd be a nice opportunity to 'study an ancient culture up close'. Little did we know what was in store for us, and for Sam.

So after we sorted out the whole 'she's a women, she must die' thing, we were invited to their village…shanty town type thing. Of course Dan, T and I were all invited to a little shindig that night, whilst Sam…well she had to go be 'one with the women.' She was pretty pissed off that she couldn't come to the party, to be honest, I think it was the hut that smelled of yak butter…the not so fresh variety too…that really had her riled. But, gotta admit that her being 'one with the women' was…quite a turn on. She looked bloody amazing…I mean, wowie I was kinda struggling to not get…well, excited. As good as she looked in that dress, and she looked delicious, I was dying to be able take it off her…damn Jack, no! Mission. You. Are. On. A. Mission. Ger your mind out of the gutter. Let's see, Martha Stewart…nope, umm…Hammond…naked…yep that worked. Gotta remember that one.

Next morning, she was gone. Kidnapped. God I was so scared. the kid we saved had buggered off as well. Didn't have to think to hard about what had happened to her. I had never been so pissed off at myself, I'd broken the number one rule I had set myself, never leave a team member alone. You might think you are in safe territory, but you never know. I had let my guard down, and now Sam was paying for my stupidity. T, damn he was good at tracking, found footprints, and we were able to follow them. The leader even had the audacity to offer us money for her, if we couldn't find her. If he weren't helping us find her, I would have beaten the crap outta him. You shouldn't be able to put a price on any women, let alone Sam…she was priceless in my eyes. We eventually tracked her to the village of a barbarian. And once we were told what would happen if we waited until night to get her out…that Turgen would take her as a wife. I knew I couldn't let that happen. Even if we had to trade for her. We…I would get her back. Turns out we only had to trade my hand gun for her, and we…I got her back…thank god it only had 5 bullets left in it, stupid idiot kept firing it into the sky as well.

But damn Apu…Abu…whatever the kids name was, he wanted help, Turgen was going to stone his daughter, all because she had followed her heart. Damn, this was going to get worse before it got better. We had to help Nya. And damn it, we only just got there in time to save her. Of course, it was Sam who challenged Turgen to fight. God I was petrified. I had heard how ruthless a killer he was and when I learnt that it was a fight to the death…and that Turgen had a really big knife I just about died myself. My heart was pounding the whole time, and when Sam got him on the ground, knife at his throat. I knew at that moment that I loved this women with everything that I was…that I am.

As I sat on my couch later that night, drinking my…third…or was it fourth bottle of beer a tentative knock sounded on my door. Setting it on the table I walked over and opened it. Sam. Who else would be on my doorstep at 2 in the morning?

"Sam." I said as she flung herself into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck as she buried her face in my shoulder. "C'mon, I got a couch with our names on it." I continued quietly as I steered her towards my beaten couch. Sam sniffled slightly as she nodded numbly.

"Jack, I was so scared." She said after what seemed an eternity, turning towards me with tears shimmering in her eyes.

"C'mere." Was all I said as I opened my arms, loving the way she crawled into my lap, like a small child who knew this was the only safe place in the entire universe, "Sam…did Turgen…did he, I mean…umm…god I screwed up so much." I finally stuttered out as she looked up into my eyes, noting the shame, anger and disappointment in myself that must have been clearly evident.

"Jack, you couldn't have stopped them from taking me." She said as she gently rubbed her hands over mine.

"I could have though, I should never have left you alone in that tent." I said angrily, "I should have recognized the danger…leaving a women alone in a country that treats them no better than horses."

"Jack, I'm here, I'm safe and we freed all those women. We did good, remember that, don't dwell on things that you can't change." Sam said as she gently leaned up, pressing a reassuring kiss against my lips, before she pulled back again, smiling that broad grin that could make me melt on the spot.

"Sam…did Turgen…touch you?" I pressed, needing to know the truth.

"Not in that way. He kissed me…" Sam paused as she saw the anger flash in my eyes, my jaw clenching automatically, "But nothing more."

"Sam, I'm so sorry…" I finally said as I wrapped my arms around her body as she curled further into my own, her head resting just above where my heart beat in tune with hers.

"I love you." She mumbled sleepily, as she fell asleep in my arms.

Shifting her weight slightly I stood up, walking awkwardly down the hall into my room and placed her gently on my bed, removing her shoes and covering her in the warm blankets, bending down I stroked a lock of her sun coloured hair and pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead before I turned to leave.

"Don't go Jack." She mumbled, her eyelids fluttering open sleepily as I halted, weighing up the options. Sleeping with Sam in my arms, or sleeping on the couch. No contest really in my mind as I gave a smile before stripping down to my white undershirt and my boxers before I slid in next to her, wrapping my arms around her body as she curled into me once again. Staring down into her eyes as they closed once again in sleep, I was struck as the realization hit me that I was an incredibly lucky man, I had been given a second chance to love and to be loved in return with the same fire and passion, and damn it I was not going to let her go. She loved me, trusted me, respected me, she laughed at my incredibly lame jokes, she sat through The Simpsons with me even though I knew she hated it, she even pretended to like my charred meat.

Stroking her cheek gently, I gave a wistful smile and fell into sleep, dreaming of the day where I could shout my proclamation of love for this woman from the tallest building, and hoping that that day wasn't too far away.

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**So, as always press the little button down below...please? It takes a couple of minutes to review a story, and really it does make an authors day when they get reviews. **

**The next chapter will be either be "Broca Divide" or "Cold Lazarus"...haven't made up my mind as to which one I would prefer to do...Broca Divide has been done to death really...but not many people have touched on Cold Lazarus as it really is one of the 'key moments' in the first season for me, you get to see a different side of Jack O'Neill, and I dunno...I guess maybe I'd like to explore that side a little with Sam... Whichever way I choose to go, it might be a few days before it's up as I'm celebrating my 20th birthday with friends tomorrow night, and with my parents on Saturday night, Sunday I'm working...Monday I've got 5 hours of Uni, Tuesday I've got a Psychology test, Wednesday I have an essay due in on the French Revolution... I'm babbling again, sorry guys, I'll let you review the story now. -hint hint-  
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	5. Cold Lazarus

**Disclaimer: Stargate and it's characters are, sadly, not owned by me. I write purely for my own enjoyment, and hopefully for the enjoyment of others.**

**Rating: K**

**Spoilers: Cold Lazarus**

**This chapter isn't as long as I would like it to be, but...yeah...it was incredibly hard to write. Hope you all enjoy "Cold Lazarus. As always reviews would be wonderful, especially so for this chapter. In other news, I received good news today, so I've been bouncing off the walls all afternoon, but yeah, it was good news...really good news.**

**This story is also in the first person, but is from Sam's point of view, and I really hope I captured her thought processing accurately...**

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I knew Jack had a past. I knew he had had a life before the SGC, but he never really spoke about it. I gotta admit, I was a little hurt about that, that he wouldn't tell me.. Even when we made love, Jack gave his heart and his soul to me, save this one little piece that he guarded, protected me from. By protecting me from it, he was protecting himself from being hurt in that way again. During the whole incident we kept up the whole façade that was our lives. He was 'Sir', I was 'Captain'. And God it hurt not to be able to comfort him the way I wanted too. 

I locked my feelings away when Daniel told me what happened to his son. I had too. If I had have reacted how I wanted too I would have curled up in a corner of that laboratory and cried my heart out for Jack, who had had something so precious stolen from him far too soon. But I remained impassive, revealing nothing to him or to anyone as to how much I was hurting over this. How much he had hurt me, by not telling me, by not opening up to me.

Even though it wasn't him in that locker room, it had still cut right through me, my heart had shattered just a tiny bit…okay, it was in a billion pieces, and it would take one hell of a dustpan and a lot of glue to put it back together. I had shut it out, all of it. I had work to do, and we had agreed not to let this…us interfere in our work. And then the klaxons had sounded. And Jack had stepped through the gate…again, cue the dustpan and glue as my heart began to repair itself, ever so slowly.

We eventually figured out that the blue crystal's on the planet had…zapped Jack and created a 'clone' of him. Okay, so it may not have been 'my' Jack in that locker room. But it still hurt. He'd never talked about life before us, and we have been together, in a manner of speaking, for months now. I'd seen photos of Sara and Charlie, I'd never broached the subject myself, always waiting for him to tell me, knowing that he would get there in the end, to a place where he could let me see into that last special place of his heart.

We tracked the 'cloned' Jack to a nearby hospital, he was dying, running out of energy. And then 'cloned Jack' did something we didn't expect. He turned into Charlie. He was giving Jack, my Jack, a chance to say goodbye to him, to…be forgiven. I knew Jack could never let go of Charlie, never forget him, that he couldn't change what happened to him, but he could let go of the pain. And I knew that I could never reach that special place in his heart, that was Charlie's special place.

As I sat in my small backyard, watching the sun creep over the trees, I heard the distant rumble of a familiar engine. Continuing to stare as light suddenly flooded over the trees, bathing the yard in light, the crunch of boots on gravel behind me alerted me to the fact that Jack had found me.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said as he walked round to where I sat, sitting in the lounge next to mine.

"We've been together…awhile now Jack, you never told me." The hurt in my voice making him visibly wince.

"I know Sam." He replied as he dropped his head into his hands, "It was just…such an incredibly dark and painful period of my life, and this is," he continued, lifting his head and waving his hand between the two of us, "is something so positive…I guess I didn't want to…you know…" he trailed off, meeting my gaze for a second before he tore it away, gazing at the light bathed tree line, not wanting me to see the single tear that had escaped, breaking through the O'Neill fortress.

"Do you still love her?" I whispered, needing to hear the words from his lips, though I already knew the answer in my heart.

"I…care about her, we…went through so much and for me to feel nothing for her would impossible. But I don't love her, not in that way anymore, and…haven't for a long time." Jack said, still staring into the distance, as if searching for something.

Sliding onto his lounge, I gently turned his face so that his gaze met mine, "Jack, I care about you more than I've ever cared about a single person, whatever challengers come to the fore, whatever has happened in our past, we will work through them together." Gently bringing his face down to mine, I kiss away the salty tears that kept breaching that hull of Jack's that I never thought could be breached.

Pulling back he tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear before dropping his head onto my shoulder as he shuffled down on the lounge, his head finally coming to rest in my lap, wrapping his arms around my waist as his body gave a great shuddering sigh. Stroking his hair gently I felt his body succumb to sleep, smiling as I leant back into the chair, staring at the dawn that had just broken. A new morning. A new beginning, for both of us.

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**I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. And I really hope you take a couple minutes out of your day to tell me how much you all enjoyed it...or didn't enjoy it if that is the case (which I certainly hope it wasn't) **

**Next chapter will either be "Brief Candle" or "Solitudes" (which I've already written...in my head at least...) If I were to write "Brief Candle" it would be something similar to this chapter, but "Solitudes"...well...yeah. I just feel having two chapters that closely resemble each other in content would not be such a good idea, as I'm trying to mix in serious chapters, along with hot chapters along with other genre chapters that I hope to explore in later seasons...just to get a good variety and I'm rambling again...sorry...again.  
**


	6. Solitudes

**Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 is owned by MGM, Gecko Corp, and some other lucky guys.**

**Rating: M...sex scene.**

**Spoiler: Solitudes**

**You know, I really really couldn't let the whole 'sidearm' comment slide...Hope you all enjoy "Solitudes". Please review. My birthday has been truly sucky, woke up this morning with a sore throat, a stuffed up nose and achy limbs...typical huh?**

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As Sam sat by my bed in the infirmary, idly flipping through a 'Science World' journal, which seemed to be centred on Astrophysics I could heart snorst in indignation every now and then, usually accompanied by a pained shake of the head. Shifting slightly, I cursed the cumbersome cast that encased by broken leg. 

"My foots itchy." I whine as Sam looks up, a grin slowly taking over her face.

"Really?" she asked as she reached over and immediately finding the right spot.

Yep. Heaven. Oh…God no. Not now. Not here. I groaned as the blanket tented over my groin, looking into Sam's eyes I recognized the glint that shone in them. Crap, I was in so much trouble now.

"How's the sidearm sir?" she asked, as her crystal blue eyes glinted with an almost…malicious gleam.

"It's fine." I manage to mumble out as Sam stops scratching my foot.

"Really…you know, it looks a little…dirty to me." Sam said, a purr creeping into her voice, "and you know what they say about sidearms."

"What?" I replied thickly, as her skilled fingers inched under the blanket, tickling over my thighs and coming to rest on my sidearm, which was rapidly turning into a rocket launcher.

"The key to a good quality sidearm is to polish it often." She replied evenly, not a trace of emotion in her voice, but by the wicked glint in her eyes and the curl of her lips, I knew she was having an absolute blast with this.

Keeping an absolutely straight face, she began to draw her hand up and down my length, dragging moans and gasps from my lips as I felt the pressure slowly build up at the base of my sidearm, knowing that if I didn't shoot it soon I would die.

"Ah...God…Sam…" I gasped out as I finally launched my rocket into her hand, after what was surely the longest countdown in history. Smiling wickedly, she drew her hand out, licking her fingers seductively as I tried to calm my breathing down, "Damn it Sam, do you know what we just did." I said as I remembered the camera in the corner of the room, which was pointing directly at me.

"Don't worry, I hooked it up to a VCR with a continuous loop playing of you sleeping."

"You planned this all along?" I accused, the satisfied smirk on my face unraveling the accusatory tone in my voice.

"Maybe…" she replied evasively

"You know what Carter, you can polish my sidearm whenever it gets dirty." I said, my face breaking into a mischievous grin as she picked up her 'Science World' journal again.

"Just so you know, sir, I really like your sidearm, it's such a nice one." Her face was once again impassive, how on earth she did that is beyond me.

"Love you." I mumbled, as I gazed at her through sleep weary eyes.

"Love you too." Sam replied, a hint of a smile playing at her lips.

Chuckling to myself as my eyes drifted shut, a smile still on my lips as Sam gently stroked my hand, my dreams once again filled what was so close for us, and yet so very far, and what we had nearly lost in that cavern, but also what we had gained.

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**Hope you all enjoyed it, please review. Next up will be the "Year in Review"...Jack and Sam talking about their first year in the SGC, and the first year of their "Hidden Love Affair". Next chapter after that will probably be "In the line of duty" as there are a few moments and such where defenses are down are they call each other by given names, and it's such an emotionally charged episode... :D...would really like to explore those emotions, but will have to watch it a few more times today.**  



	7. 1997: A year in Review

**Disclaimer: Not owned by me...sadly...**

**Rating: T**

**Spoilers: ALL of season 1 and first episode of Season 2  
**

**Okay, for simplicities sake my yearly reviews are going to take place in Winter...so Christmas/New Year, because Winter is just so romantic...with all the snow and the fireplaces...God I wish I lived in the Northern Hemisphere, whilst some think that Christmas is romantic no matter where you are, believe me when it's 44C outside...it ain't that romantic. **

**Has anyone else ever noticed that no mention of seasons is ever made in Stargate? Everything always happens in Summer/Spring...just a random thought, Winter barely gets a mention, except during "Beneath the Surface"...they are on a planet going through an ice-age though...or when they are stuck in Antarctica...but it's Antarctica...cold, snow etc. I'm rambling. Sorry. **

**As always, reviews are most welcome. Also since Season 1 one ended in two parter that carried over into Season 2, I'm writing it as it is between "The Serpents Lair" and "In the line of duty" , once again this simplifies it for me.  
**

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Jack was fiddling again. He was constantly fiddling with that fire.

"Jack, the fire is fine, it won't go out if you stop poking it." I said as I cuddled back into the warmth of the sofa. Smiling as Jack stood up, grumbling in his own way before he turned around, giving me that grin that could make me go weak at the knees.

"I know, I just like fiddling with it." He replied, with childlike glee as he crossed the room and plopped himself down next to me, tugging gently on the blanket that was firmly wrapped around me, "Share?" he whined as he gave a fake shudder.

"Maybe…what's in it for me?" I asked, grinning broadly.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill."

"Good trade." I replied, as I opened the blanket up and giggled as Jack snuggled into me, wrapping the blanket around us both.

"No giggling Captain." He remarked as his breathing fell into rhythm with mine.

"Yes, sir." I replied crisply as he drew me into his lean body, and nuzzled my neck affectionately. That was one thing that had always surprised me. Jack O'Neill, mister macho himself, was a cuddler. That was his way of showing his love for someone.

"What a year." I said suddenly.

"Yeah, it was…yeah." Jack replied quietly as he kissed my neck, sending a tiny shiver down my spine.

"What was your favorite mission?" I asked as his he raised his head, smiling mischievously.

"I really liked P3X-797…" he began as I slapped his shoulder playfully, "well to be honest…Samantha, I really liked the follow up to that mission." I could feel my face go red at the memory of it, sitting on Jack's bed when he got back after a late night…in nothing but that little tank top. Jack laughed quietly, a deep throaty sound that reverberated throughout my body, "I also really liked it when we got stuck in Antarctica."

I raised my eyebrow in a very Teal'c like fasion as he grinned, "Are you sure you didn't just like what occurred after that?" I said jokingly.

"Samantha, how dare you imply that I didn't enjoy nearly dying with you in my arms in an incredibly cold cavern…on Earth." He drawled, a grin breaking over his face as he chuckled quietly.

"You're never going to let me live that down are you, not trying another gate address?" I asked as he shook his head in answer, "Like you've never made a mistake…need I remind you of Argos?"

"Ouch, Sam…that hurts…and I didn't know the cake was drugged!" he replied, real hurt in his voice, we had had one major fight, our first and only over the whole Argos/Marriage Cake thing, granted he hadn't known it was a Marriage Cake…but you would have been blind not to see that Kynthia was infatuated with Jack.

"Sorry Jack." I quickly replied, giving him a quick kiss of reassurance.

"The Nox." He said suddenly, after what seemed an eternity of us just enjoying being together on this winter night.

"mm, what about them?" Okay, that had been a really topsy turvy mission, we died…can't say I liked that much.

"It wasn't a favorite of mine, we did die after all, but…I dunno Sam, it's…" Jack waved his hand around, searching for the right word.

"a lesson that we had to learn?"

"That too, but…yeah, I dunno, that's one mission that I'm always 'what iffing', you know, we could have had some very powerful allies, if we only hadn't have been so…" Jack looked up at me for some help.

"Snobbish?" I finally supplied him with.

"Yeah." Jack answered as he gazed at the fire, "Can I fiddle?" he asked, as I gave a smile of acceptance, "Needs more wood."

Shaking my head, a small smile spreading over my features as he disentangled himself from my body, and leapt over to the fire, quickly bringing it back to a roaring state. As I stared at his back, I looked back over our not so good missions.

"We have had a few bad ones though…" I said, seeing his shoulders tense slightly.

"Yeah." He answered quietly as he continued to stare at the fire, before he turned back towards me, quickly covering the distance and scooping me into his arms as he seated himself again as he threw the blanket awkwardly over the both of us.

"Hathor." He finally said after we had got ourselves comfortable, my head resting on his shoulder, his arms encircling me.

"Yeah, that was one interesting…event." I replied, listening intently to the gentle thud of his heart.

"I still get shivers when I think of what could have been if you guys hadn't arrived when you did."

"First Prime O'Neill?" I supplied as he gave an involuntary shudder, "You really don't like them do you?" I asked, as he gave me a small grin.

"Can't stand them…just ick." Jack stared down at me, I could feel his eyes on me as I lifted my head and gave a sad smile, "You alright?" he asked as he sensed a sadness within me.

"Jonas." Was all I said, his face remained impassive. The fallout from that mission had been hard, Jonas had been a good guy when I was with him. And to see him so totally out of it had really hit me hard.

"Ahhh." He finally said as he held me closer, "You know when they almost shut the Stargate down?

"mm?"

"I was angry…I mean, the Goa'uld were coming, but yet I was excited at being able to retire again."

"Really?

"Yeah, we would have had some time to just be 'us', it was mixed though, we were going to be destroyed and they were sitting around twiddling their thumbs, but at least everyone would know how much I care about you." He said, a tinge of sadness in his voice. For we both knew that as long as the Stargate program was running, and we were both there we could never allow anyone to find out about us.

"Hey, but we have had some really good things happen this year." I said as I gave him a broad smile.

"Yeah, like what?"

"Cassie."

"Yeah." His smile broadened as well as he thought of the little girl that had been through so much, and bought so much hope to everyone in SG-1, "She's a great kid."

"Isn't she just?" I replied I felt his hand reach up and gently stroked my hair, he was obsessed with my hair I had come to learn, he loved touching it, stroking it, smelling it (apparently he really liked my Apple scented shampoo).

"And us." I finally said, as I tilted my head up to meet his slightly cocky grin.

"The best thing to come out of this year." He affirmed as he leaned down, brushing his lips over mine for a brief second.

As we both leaned into each other, drawing warmth, strength and love from each other, the fireworks began to light up the nights sky.

"Hey you know what this means?" Jack whispered into my ear.

"You get to kiss me again?" I answered, a smile playing at my lips.

"Yep!" He said, a goofy grin spreading over his features as he leant into my body, kissing all rational thought out of my brain before he finally relinquished my lips.

"Happy New Year Sam." He whispered as I snuggled deeper into his chest, enjoying the warmth and security.

"Happy New Year Jack." I replied sleepily, as he brushed a tender kiss across my forehead as I closed my eyes and succumbed to sleep.

And that is how we bought in 1998, with me cradled in his arms, both of us dreaming of what had been, the drama, the pain and the excitement of 1997, and dreaming of whatever the future had in store for us.

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**Hope you enjoyed "1997: A year in review", please review...please. -gets down on knees- please! (dear lord people im begging!) **


	8. In the line of duty

**Disclaimer: Stargate is not, and has never been (damn it!) owned by me. It's owned by some other guys who are really lucky and had better bleedin' well do something for J&S in the bleedin' movies otherwise I'm going to picket the god damned place where they film it. Who's with me?**

**Rating: K - mild swearing...really mild, like stuff you would hear in grade 6. You know, I can write a sex scene, but I cringe when I put the 'f' word in a story...why is that?**

**Spoiler: In the line of Duty.**

**Sorry it took so long to update, this chapter was a b to write. Started it a half dozen times. Deleted it a half dozen times. Watched the episode more times than I care to remember. Added to the fact that I had a psychology test on Tuesday and came down with a bugger of a cold, sneezing, blinding headaches, shivering so badly I dropped my orange juice on the carper...shocking cold it be, which I'm still in the middle of trying to get rid off, as well as some other things, it's been a hell of a week for me, but I really wanted to get this chapter done. And I really hope it was worth the wait for you guys. As always, reviews would be wonderful.**

**A special thank you to everyone who has reviewed my story so far, it does 'indeed' (hehe, yay for Teal'c!) warm my heart to know people are enjoying reading this, it really does! Makes a writers day when they get a review.**

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Damn it Sam, all you had to do was listen to me, but you had to insist on trying to save every single Nasyan, and it nearly cost you your life. To be honest, I'm not sure why I didn't notice something earlier, Sam was a bit…odd after coming back through the 'Gate, but we had just been witness to a massacre of a peaceful nation so a bit of shock was expected. That was the first indicator, the second was when she hit me. I mean, Sam hit me, a little alarm went of in my head about that. The second indicator was when Cassie said that Sam was going to kill her, and I guess the third indicator was when Sam's eyes did the whole glowy thing, kinda confirmed what Cass told Janet and I.

Standing in that gate room, the love of my life no longer in control of her own body as the snake pointed a gun at me, was perhaps the most frightening moment of my life. And when she pulled that god-damn pin on that grenade, my whole world exploded in front of my eyes. And I didn't give a stuff about anyone else, I just wanted my Sam back. And the hardest part? I was put in charge of interrogating the Goa'uld. I had to walk into that holding cell and interrogate the…thing…that had taken over Sam, how on earth was I going to be able to control my actions, my emotions when I was standing in the same room as that…thing that had taken her.

It was an understatement when Teal'c said 'This is difficult', that was the whole damned reason WHY I was sitting in the locker room staring at the damned wall. I was desperately trying to forget the fact that the snake was in Sam. I had to make myself remember that she wasn't Sam. It might look like Sam, but it wasn't Sam, at least not the Sam that I loved. Somehow I think Teal'c knew something, it was the raised eyebrow I think, which was, for him, a look of understanding at the horrible situation that we were in. He reminded me not to see Sam when I spoke to the snake, to look past the exterior and see nothing but the evil thing inside of her. Could I do that though, forget Sam?

Seeing her. Seeing what she had become was one of the most heart breaking, most gut wrenching…soul breaking moments that I had ever been confronted with in my life, and believe me I had been confronted with some heart breaking, gut wrenching and soul breaking moments to LAST a lifetime. Then the snake did something…said something that didn't seem real, seem right. It said that it could leave her, and Sam would return to us, unharmed. My heart screamed with joy, but my brain screamed right back it, telling it to shut the hell up. You can't trust a snake, they will tell you anything to be free, they will do anything to be free. And that point was proved when it used her voice to plead with me. Her beautiful, soft voice, a voice that tore at my very soul to hear. I had to remind myself that it wasn't her pleading with me, it was the snake using her to get to me, and dear god it nearly did. I nearly faltered in my resolve to not see Sam. And it broke my heart all over again to walk out of that room.

I sent Teal'c in to talk to her…it. He had experience in talking to the Goa'uld and he could push away his emotions, his feelings for the host. If only I could do that. He did learn something though, the snake claimed to a part of the "Tok'ra" and that she was being hunted down by an "Ashrak". So now my Sam, was in danger ten-fold. She was being hunted down by a ruthless merciless killer. And we had no idea what he looked like, or where he was. And that thought chilled me to the very core.

And god, he was in the base. The camera was down in the holding cell room, I knew we only had minutes to get there. Maybe less. The consequences of us being too late were…unthinkable. Screeching into that room, seeing her on that floor, it broke me, I couldn't show it, but in that instant I died a thousand deaths, knowing that she was gone. And then her eyes opened, just a little. She wasn't dead. Nearly. But not there yet, and I wasn't going to let her die. Not ever. As they wheeled her into that room, it took all my willpower to stop from breaking down. To punch something, to hurl a chair, to yell at someone, to curl up in a corner and cry, to climb onto that damned bed with her and cradle her in my arms and will her to come back to me. The Goa'uld was dying and it was taking her with it, taking my beautiful Sam along with it, and I could nothing but watch, like the good soldier that I pretended to be. And then there was a pulse. Sam's pulse. She'd won. My heart was pounding so hard I thought Frasier would be able to pick it up on her machines. And then Sam told me something. That the Goa'uld had kept it's promise, it had saved her.

It was nearly a week before they let her off base, I'd been to see her a couple of times, but she would turn away, from me, from Daniel. The only one who could reach her was Cassie. We knew she had to reach out to us. I was sitting on my roof, my jacket pulled tight around my body against the cool nights air, staring at the darkened sky spattered with a million bright lights, when I heard the car pull up. A door slam. A car drive away. The gentle crunch of boots on the gravel. Even from this distance I knew it was Sam. I could recognize her walk, the sound of her footfalls on gravel, on sand, on grass. I knew them all.

"Jack?" she asked as her head appeared on the ladder, followed by the rest of her body.

"Hey Sam." Was all I could mutter as I took in her appearance. The dark rings under her eyes, the pale glow of her skin, the grim look on her face as she suddenly broke down, tears streaming down her face in a constant flow as she continued to stand there.

"C'mere." I said, as I opened my arms, her body flinging it self into my grasp as she buried her head into the crook of my neck, my arms wrapping around her body as I rubbed her back soothingly, calming her the only way I knew how. Her hands gripped my shirt like a vice, clinging to the soft material as she sobbed into my shoulder. She was so cold, she only had on light clothes, clothes not made for being outside in this weather. Shivering as she pulled herself closer into my body, desperately seeking warmth.

"Sam, we gotta get you inside." I said gently, shifting her weight so she slid off my lap and onto her feet, I stood up, an arm wrapped protectively around her waist as I helped her down the ladder.

Entering my room, Sam stood back suddenly as she looked into my arms, seeing the hesitation in them, she gave a sad smile as she kicked her shoes off and climbed into the warmth of my bed, beckoning me to follow. I pulled my jacked off, but hesitated again.

"Jack?" A quiet whisper emanated from the form in my bed, a pleading of sorts as my resolve disappeared.

Crawling in next to her, I scooped her into my body, pulling her close to me as she snuggled into my chest. Wanting to be close to me. Needing to be close to me. And I needed the same from her. Rubbing her back soothingly I felt her body begin to relax into sleep as words that no longer need to be said, but were still nice to hear, formed and then escaped from her lips.

"I love you."

"Love you too Sam." I mumbled into her hair, breathing the scent in as I felt the change in her breathing pattern. I knew she was still asleep, but I still continued to rub her back slowly, needing to reassure myself that she was here, with me in my bed as she sought reassurance herself. That things were going to be alright now, maybe they could never go back to how it was before, but…she was going to be okay. We were going to be okay. Cradling her in my arms, I found my reassurance. She needed someone. And she had found it. In me. Knowing that I could soothe her fears, dry her tears, calm her heart she had come to me. And I knew that I had found my reassurance in her her, she could soothe my fears, dry my tears and calm my heart.

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**Aww, the fluffyness of it all! As always, please take a few seconds (or minutes, depends on your typing speed) and write a review. Even a "LOVED IT!" would be appreciated...heck even a "this story sucks!" would be nice...well okay not nice, but I like getting emails...and you get emails for reviews...so make my inbox full:P**

**Next chapter will be "Valentine's Day 1998" (Yeah, a fluffy chapter!) I thought I had it written, but decided to leave the song I used for the final chapter of this story, as it...just perfect for J&S and what I have planned for them. -evil cackle- After that it's straight back into Season 2 with Message in a Bottle, The Tokra Part 1&2 (dealing with Jacob Carter and all that you know). The Fifth Race. Out of mind Part 1 & 2, then yearly review. So, got a lot of writing to do.**

** Would love song suggestions for the next chapter as well, been trying to find a song but nothing seems right...plus my knowledge of romance songs basically extends to Celine Dion, as much as I like her music, I need to expand my knowledge of romance songs -coughs-. Anyway, I'll stop crapping on and let you get on with writing that review that I know you all want to write. Am I not being subtle enough? -grins-**


	9. Only You Valentine's Day '98

**Disclaimer: Stargate not owned by me, I don't make any money from writing these stories (heck, even if it were legal too, I don't think I could anyway...) and do it purely for my own enjoyment/torment.**

**Rating: K **

**Spoiler: In the line of duty...mentions the Jolinar incident in passing.**

**Song: Only you - The Platters (oldie but a goodie), it's a beautiful song. look it up on youtube.**

**As always, a massive thank you to those who reviewed my previous chapter, I'm really glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for the song suggestions, got a few ideas for later chapters... :D As always, reviews would be lovely.**

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The note was short. "My Place. 7. Dress Formal" Knowing already who it was from, the hand drawn interwoven hearts sort of gave it away, Jack smiled as he tucked it into his breast pocket, his heart already thudding at the expectation of it all. 

Wearing his Dress Blues, Jack straightened his shoulders as he knocked on the door, his breath hitching in his throat as he caught sight of one Samantha Carter, wearing a sapphire blue dress that had a plunging neckline, and hugged her figure all the way to her waist where it softened out into a skirt that grazed the floor.

"Wow." Was al he managed to get out as Sam smiled and indicated that he should come in, "You look…incredible."

"You look pretty fine yourself Jack." Sam answered as she sent an approving eye over Jack's form, "Happy Valentines Day." Sam added as she launched herself up on her toes and planted a loving kiss on his lips, a kiss that promised so much more.

"Sam, you didn't have to go to all this trouble." Jack said as Sam guided him into her small living room, which was lit only by candles with soft music playing in the background.

"I know, but we missed celebrating Valentines Day last year, so I just thought this would be nice, I hope you like Spaghetti, since that is about as far as my culinary skills extend." Jack gave a low laugh as he sat down across from Sam, "What?"

"You can create a dialing program for the Stargate, but you can't cook?" A smile spreading over his features as Sam wrinkled her nose at him.

"Oh shut up, I just never had time to learn…I'm only digging myself in deeper here aren't I?" Sam said as Jack broke into fits of laughter.

"Yep."

As Sam twirled the pasta around her fork, they both fell into a companionable silence, communication fruitless at this stage of their relationship with far more being said through shy glances and smiles, innocent though they may seem to others, far more could be said through silent signals now and both had become quite talented in having silent conversations with each other.

Sam watched as Jack scraped the last of the pasta from his plate, giving an appreciative sigh as he looked up at Sam, a twinkle in his eye.

"For someone who can't cook, that was brilliant."

"Really?

"Really Sam, I wouldn't lie to you, ever." Jack affirmed as a slow piece came through Sam's CD player. Standing up he straightened his Dress Blues as he held his hand out, "Would you like to dance?"

Smiling brightly Sam placed her hand in his own as he steered her towards a clear space in the living room. Drawing her close to his body, her arms caught in between their bodies as they rested against his broad chest, his long fingers, capable of so much destruction but also capable of drawing out so much pleasure, drew gently down her cheek, before she gave into the temptation to kiss him, her own hands gently cradling his face as she kissed him, long, deep and sensually as they both began to sway in time to the music.

_Only you can make this world seem right  
Only you can make the darkness bright.   
Only you and you alone  
can thrill me like you do  
and fill my heart with love for only you. _

Breathing in his deep scent, that scent that tasted like him, a little like Cinnamon, a little like Apple, but totally unique, totally Jack. Her head rested gently against his strong chest, listening to the gentle rhythm of his heart. Sighing quietly she wrapped her arms around his neck, drawing them ever closer, both in body, but in soul.

_Only you can make this change in me,  
for it's true, you are my destiny.  
When you hold my hand,  
I understand the magic that you do. _

As his hands came to rest on her hips, those hips that tantalized him when they swayed beneath the silken material of that dress, or when they were hidden beneath the BDU's, he knew what was under them, knew what it felt like to trace a finger over them, to have them move with him in the most sensual dance.

_You're my dream come true,  
my one and only you. _

She knew she could never love anyone this way again, she had felt drawn to this man from the moment he had defended her in that bar, and she knew she would never stop yearning for him in this lifetime. She had wished, hoped and dreamed that there was someone out there who could love her with his whole heart, to give it up so completely to her, to entrust her with it's safekeeping, for so long that she thought that there was no such thing as 'true love'.

_Only you can make this change in me,  
for it's true, you are my destiny.  
When you hold my hand,  
I understand the magic that you do. _

Jack didn't know how she did it, but when she held him like this, heart to heart like they were, he knew he was safe, wanted, needed, loved. And that was the most sobering thought of all, that he had found everything he had ever wanted in one person.

_You're my dream come true,  
my one and only you. _

Jack had dreamed of a love that would extend through time, a love that he would die for, a love that he would do anything to keep for his whole life. He never thought he would find it, he didn't think he deserved to love like this, and to be loved in return with the same strength.

_One and only you. _

As the last notes rang out of the CD player, Jack swept Sam into a loving kiss, soft, sweet and sensual as she felt her body melt into a pile off goo. He was claiming her as his own, branding his lips on hers, marking her heart with his, and as she responded to his touch she knew she was having the same effect on him. As he pulled her upright again, her blue eyes sparkling in the candlelight, spread such warmth and affection from their depths that it stole Jack's breathe away for an instant as she pressed her head against his shoulder, sighing a sigh of deep satisfaction as she curled herself deeper into his heart.

Later as they sat curled in a loving embrace on the couch, Jack gently stroking her golden locks as she listened to the steady beat of his heart. Sam gave a slight yawn as Jack tilted her head up to meet his gaze. Brushing his lips tenderly over hers, he gently shifted her off his lap.

"Sleep?" he asked as Sam gave a tired nod, bending down, and ignoring the crunch of his knee he picked her up lightly.

Stripping down to his boxers, he helped Sam slide out of her dress, the material rippling over her skin as she gave another tired yawn.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as he held the covers up, his lithe body already firmly ensconced in the bed that he slept in more than his own.

"Don't be." He said replied as she snuggled up to him, her head falling on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her body. It was only February, but Sam was still recovering from being a host, and he knew she didn't sleep well when he wasn't with her.

"Love you Jack." She mumbled as sleep overcame her, one hand resting protectively over his heart as she gave a deep sigh.

"I know." He whispered back as he gently stroked her back, calming her as her muscles relaxed into him. Closing his eyes, he wasn't plagued by dreams, or even nightmares, for the first time since she had come to him on his rooftop after Jolinar, they both slept a sleep of the content.

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**I'm just trying to get across that it's not just about sex (which may be great, and very fulfilling), but it's also about the comfort, reassurance and...yeah that feeling you get from just being 'held' by someone you love. **

**Next chapter will be "Message in a bottle". WOO! I love that episode! so much...drama and emotion coming from Sam when she's trying to save Jack. awe...yeah, anyway I'll stop rambling and let you guys write a review.  
**


	10. Message in a Bottle

**Disclaimer: Stargate not owned by me. Simple eh?**

**Rating: K**

**Spoiler: Message in a Bottle.**

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, I hate writing Sam POV, and I always get...flummoxed over what to write for her. So yeah, reviews always nice.**

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The only thing on that planet was an orb. An orb that had been emitting an EM pulse since the end of the civilization that created it…100,000 or more years ago. Now that was interesting and something we would definitely have to investigate back at the SGC, it had a power source with immense capabilities, it would have to, for it to continue to function long after the people that created it had died.

For nearly a day the orb was just that, an orb. We did test after test and it did nothing. Daniel was coming up empty on the translation as well, he had never seen the language, or nothing similar to it. And then it actually did something. Radiation levels started increasing at an alarming rate, the temperature shot up and spikes shot out of the sides when we began removing it from the canister we were holding it in. Jack and Teal'c managed to get it to the gate but were unable to take it back to it's home planet. Spikes shot out, one into the ground, one into the wall above the control room, one into the side wall, only just missing Teal'c. And the last one went straight through Jack's shoulder, pinning him to the wall.

It was my worst nightmare in real life. Jack was in trouble. He knew it too. Everyone did. There was no blood around the wound, though everyone knew there should be, and when Teal'c fired his staff weapon, it was like a thousand knives stabbing into my heart, knowing that it was hurting…killing…Jack. And I had no idea how to fix it. For the first time in my life, I was at a complete loss as to what to do, I was powerless to stop it from killing the man I love.

And to make matters worse? We discovered it was bacteria/virus, it had elements of both types of organism in it. And when we lit it up with Ultraviolet light, it stunned us when it showed that it could eat through flesh, material…and concrete any substance it came into contact with it could penetrate. Oh, and the real clincher? It initiated the auto destruct, and since it fed on energy, an explosion of that size would feed it enough energy to allow it to destroy our world.

It took Daniel to finally figure it out, it was trying to communicate with us. Through Jack. We had to feed it energy for it to reach critical mass, a point where it could actually talk to us. Standing in the Gate room, Jack's hand in my own, I had to ask him to risk his life for a hunch, it was nothing but an idea and Daniel and I had no idea what was going to happen when I took the IV out and…fed the organism. I could have been aiding and abetting in the death of him…Jack…my soul mate. A quiver in my voice as I asked him the very question that could end his life…he squeezed my hand in response, a gentle, reassuring squeeze. I had my answer. Feed the organism.

Ordering Teal'c to shoot that weapon, not once, not twice, but three times into that orb…it was like telling him to fire at me. I could feel it jolt through me, could feel the pain. And when I went to check his pulse. There was none. No response. Not even a flicker. I'd killed him. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I stared at the motionless face of Jack, my jaw clenching as I tried not to cry.

And then…he was talking…but it wasn't him. The organism. It was controlling Jack. Talking through him. Communicating with us. He…she…it…they wanted nothing more than to survive. To live. The same thing that we wished to do. We came to an agreement. An understanding between our two races. We would send them to another world, one with lots of sunlight and oxygen, but devoid of human life, or rather devoid of intelligent species so that they could multiple without harming others, and they would leave Jack and Earth forever. Allowing us both to survive.

"Hey, sir." I said as he finally awoke from his 18 hour sleep, Janet was still fussing around his bed, otherwise I would have thrown myself on him, but I continued sitting sedately on the bed next to him. Daniel having gone in search of coffee…and sleep. And Teal'c had to kel-nor-re'm.

"Hey…Carter." He replied, after a pause as his eyes adjusted to the bright light, "How long was I out?"

"About 18 hours, sir."

"Can I go home?" he mumbled as Janet gave a wry smile.

"All traces of the organism have left your system, you might feel tired for a few more days, as it stressed your immune system out, as well as the prolonged high temperature I'm going to have to ask you to take it easy for a few days, but yes you can go home," Janet said as smile flitted over his features as he began throwing off the covers, eager to get out of the infirmary and way from Janet and her needles, "after I give you a shot." Both of us grinned as Jack groaned loudly.

"Daniel, really I'm fine." Jack whined 2 hours later, clearly fed up with being mothered over by Daniel and Teal'c, who had insisted that Jack drink a warm glass of milk in order to help him sleep, as it was 'considered to be a normal Tau'ri sleeping ritual'. Jack drunk the milk, if only to humour him. Daniel was lovingly tucking Jack in as I made myself comfortable on the bed, dealing out cards as I wiggled a teeny bit closer to him. It was a fine line we were treading tonight, he had held my hand briefly in the car, and now this, but if Daniel and Teal'c had noticed anything they made no indication that they had. Jack and I had felt that they knew for quite some time. Perhaps not the full story, but maybe they knew our feelings for each other ran a little deeper than was actually allowed by the Air Force.

"I do not understand this game, O'Neill." Teal'c said as Jack sighed for the fifteenth time before he gave up trying to explain the rules of 'Snap' to Teal'c as I gave a quiet giggle, my hand lingering over his as we packed the cards up.

"Don't worry about it Teal'c, anyway isn't it time we went back to the base?" Daniel asked as he stood, his eyes ever so slightly sliding over both Jack and I as I felt a crimson flush on the back of my neck.

"Indeed it is, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c replied as they both bade us farewell.

"They know don't they?" I asked as I turned to face Jack.

"Pretty sure they do." He replied as he held his arms open, "C'mere."

I practically flew into his arms, his quiet 'oompf' was the only indicator that I had knocked the wind out of him, snuggling deep into those warm arms, who knew how to give comfort hugs better than anyone else's.

"I nearly lost you." I mumbled as he started to rub my back gently, the way only he knew how.

"But you didn't."

"But…"

"Samantha, you were dealing with an alien organism, you did what you thought was right." He interrupted as I began to relax into his touch.

"But…"

"No buts Sam. You can't go back and re-hash every decision you make in your life. You made the call, based on the information you had at hand. No-one can expect anything more." Jack said, his voice full of emotion. I knew he was thinking over some of his own mistakes. His own decisions that had gone wrong, "You simply make the call. Then move on." His voice steeled again as I sighed against his chest, knowing he was right.

"I still nearly lost you." I mumble as a hand comes up to gently wipe away the tears that I didn't even realise were falling.

"But you didn't. I'm here now, and you will never lose me Sam. I'll always be here." He said as he placed a hand over where my heart was.

As sleep finally came, all I could keep thinking about was how many bad decisions I had made. How many bad decisions had nearly resulted in losing Jack, how many bad decisions had nearly resulted in the destruction of Earth. That's when I knew what was on my shoulders. The future of this world. The continued existence of humans on Earth. That's what we were fighting for, and I could single handedly destroy it with one bad choice. Like I nearly had today.

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**"Hi, you've reached Aertyn - Fluff Monster, please leave a message after the tone..."**

**-tone-**

** Next chapter will be "The Tokra" lots of Jack/Jacob stuff to deal with...as well as Sam/Jacob stuff...but we'll see as to what muse says. **


	11. Secrets

**Disclaimer: Stargate has never, and will never be owned by me (sadly)**

**Rating: K**

**Spoilers: Secrets**

**Alternating POV. This is mainly dealing with Jack/Sam + Jacob. And I know a fair amount of the episode deals with Daniel/Sha're, but as I'm writing a Jack/Sam story, I really didn't find it necessary to include that part of the storyline. It is mentioned, but briefly. Anyway, hope you enjoy "Secrets".  
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**Sam's POV**

As tempting as it was to go with Daniel and Teal'c and go back to Abydos. Jack and I had a ceremony to attend, we could hardly 'blow off' the President for a personal matter. And we really had to watch what we did, what we said, we were in the same room as some of the most powerful and highest ranking officers in the Air Force. We could not slip up.

Imagine my surprise when I saw General Hammond talking to my father. My father. What the hell was he doing here. Holy Hannah, I couldn't even warn Jack that Dad was here. Holy Hannah, he didn't even know my dad was General Carter. Well he was shocked to say the least, considering I hardly ever talked about my Dad, and now he's finding out he's in the Air Force…and a General. I think he took it fairly well. So, whilst Jack made himself scarce. Dad was talking about getting me into NASA…to actually maybe go into Space one day. If only he knew what I did on a daily basis. Which was travel to other worlds through the Stargate. He probably wouldn't think NASA to be too interesting then. He just wouldn't let it drop. If only I weren't standing in a room full of superior officers, otherwise I would have seriously hauled him off. I'd got this far without his help, without him interfering in my career, though it had been…insinuated, by a few people that he had given support for my promotions. As I watched him walk off, I was sorely tempted to tell him about the Stargate. To tell him what we did. Maybe then he'd understand why I loved my job so much.

**Jack's POV**

As I swirled the amber liquid in the bottom of the glass I felt a presence behind me. Turning slightly I recognized General Carter as he sat down next to me.

"General." I said as I stared the beer down.

"Colonel O'Neill." General Carter said as he indicated to the bartender to bring him a lemonade.

"What can I do for you General?" I asked calmly, kinda already guessing as to why he might be here. He was Sam's dad after all. He knew her, not as well as me, but he still knew her.

"Jack, I swear if you put my daughter's career in danger, with…whatever it is you two have going on…" He began, the fury in his voice barely contained as the bartender placed a glass in front of him.

"General, with respect I would never put Carter's career in jeopardy." I stated, the panic rising in my body, but years of military training had taught me how to control my emotions…on the outside, I couldn't control them on the inside.

"With respect Colonel, I believe you already are." General Carter shot back, "I saw the way she looked at you. She has never looked at anyone that way, not even Jonas. Don't tell me you haven't noticed?"

"General, I would never put Carter's career in jeopardy." I repeated, meeting his gaze which blazed fury, and could make grown men tremble. But not this man.

Slamming his now empty glass on the bench, General Carter stood up and leaned over, "Count this as a warning Jack, if you ever hurt my daughter, I will hurt you right back."

Watching as he stalked out the door, barely missing the guy in the tweed jacket. Going back to swirling my drink he sat down across from me and began to give me the entire freakin' history of the Stargate Program. Okay, could a bad day go from bad to worse?

The answer to that question is, of course, yes.

**Jacob Carter's POV**

Holy Hannah. My daughter's fallen for her CO. And not just any CO. But Jack O'Neill. A guy with so much baggage he needs an extra trailer to haul it in. My daughter could do so much better than him. He was divorced, and well, we had all heard about his son. Not to mention over a decade older than her. AND her CO!

Holy Hannah, they could be imprisoned for this. My daughter. Court-marshaled for falling in love with her CO. Slamming my first down on the Postal Box I was leaning on, before I stalked off to talk to my daughter. About a few things.

**Sam's POV**

After the reported that was going to out the Stargate program was run down, the ceremony was cancelled. So I started looking for my Dad. Found him too. Staring at the Washington monument through a window. I was about to tell him something real important. And then hit me. Not psychically, but it sure did feel like it. He had cancer. Lymphoma. My whole world crumbled in that moment. My father. The Pillar. Cancer. It was just so…unreal. Dad was the strongest person I had ever met, and for him to be…undone by such a common disease…something so mundane. And then he undid it all. He started pressing me into moving to NASA, a good old fashioned guilt trip. He wanted me 'live out my dream' whilst he was still around to see it. Nice going Dad. I, of course, told him I couldn't transfer. Then he left. Just up and left. I couldn't hate him though. He was my Dad. But Jack and I had to head back to the SGC. General Hammond was going to present us with our medals, and then we had to rendezvous with Daniel and Teal'c on Abydos.

And Holy Hannah did we walk into a mess. Heru'ur had come for Apophis' and Sha're's…child. God, poor Daniel. Both of us had been through an emotional roller coaster that day, we had experienced the entire spectrum of human emotion in a single day.

"Jack?" I asked as I exited the kitchen, Daniel and Teal'c having already left for the base.

"Yeah?" Came the quiet response from the couch.

"You okay?" I knew he suspected an Air Force cover-up with the reporter's death.

"I will be. What about you?" he asked as I slid onto the couch next to him, my hands folded neatly in my lap as I stared at the coffee table in front of me.

"Dad…has cancer." Fighting back tears as I felt Jack twitch beside me, before he drew me into his arms.

"Sam…" he mumbled into my hair as I finally let all the emotion flow out, clinging to his shirt as I sobbed in his arms.

"It's Lymphoma. Bad…" I looked up and met his deep brown eyes, letting the strength, warmth and reassurance wash over me as I took a deep breath, "From what he was saying…I think it be…terminal." I gasped out, as he pulled me closer, rocking me gently against his chest as he muttered soothingly into my ear. I might be losing Dad, and it would be painful as all heck, and it might just break me. But I had Jack here to help piece me back together.

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** I know I said last chapter that the next chapter would "The Tokra" But...I really wanted to chuck this one in. "The Tokra" will be up in 2-3 days. And judging by how much I've already written, it's going to be long...**

** Anyway, reviews would be nice, as always. But I just hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	12. The Tok'ra

**Disclaimer: Stargate is not owned by me, wish it were, but it aint.**

**Rating: T...some mild swearing.**

**Spoilers: The Tok'ra Part 1 & 2**

**Gack, this chapter was a nightmare to write...but I got there in the end...finally! Anyway, I do hope you enjoy "The Tok'ra" (combined both episodes into one chapter). As always, reviews would be lovely, but I just hope you enjoyed it.**

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It was sandy. Kind of like Abydos, but it didn't have the same…oppressive heat as Abydos. It had been a dream…a vision of sorts that had lead us here. A set of gate co-ordinates left in my mind. A gift from Jolinar. And you don't hand a gift back. No you accept it. And that's what we had to do. Accept this gift. Convincing Jack and the General had been tough, but I think they understand the importance of trying to make contact with the Tok'ra. They were, after all, enemies of the Goa'uld. And you know what they say, 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend.' Of course it rarely works out like that in real life, but we were all hoping that this would be such an occasion where it would actually work out like that.

Before we shipped out I had rung my Dad, but like usual he wouldn't admit how he was really feeling. I knew he was dying from the cancer that had infested his body. But I just wanted him to admit it, admit that he wasn't…infallible. I just wanted him to open up to me. To give me something to remember when he was gone. I mean, he had bought an Apartment in Colorado Springs so that he could be closer to me in...his final days. Though he never actually admitted that that was the reason why had bought it. But yeah, back to the sandy planet.

Jolinar's memories had lead us here, and I hoped…wished that those memories were right. That I was right in bringing us here. We knew that the Tok'ra were a nomadic people, hunted so they moved planets often, we could only hope that they were still here and that us coming here hadn't been a total waste of electricity. Well, it didn't turn out to be a waste of electricity, we did find the Tok'ra, we kind of, as Jack would say "pissed them off" to begin with. I think it was arguing over the differences between the Goa'uld and the Tok'ra, so things were off to a shaky start. A stand off in the sands of some far off planet. In other circumstances it would have been rather humorous. Unfortunately we weren't in another circumstance. We were in this one.

The most shocking part of this all was the fact that I recognized one of them. And not just from passing him in the street. But I knew him. And yet I knew that I had never actually met him. Martouf. He was…something to Jolinar. I recognized a lot of these people, but I knew him most of all. And it was incredibly confusing. I didn't know if I was attracted to him myself, or if it were the memory of Jolinar that was attracted to him. So after finding out who we were, and us finding out who they were. They accused me of killing Jolinar's host, and of killing Jolinar.

And then they lead us to Selmak. One of their eldest and wisest, and they wanted one of us to be host to her. Jack said no. Not that big of a shock, we knew how he felt about them. Daniel said no as well, was a little surprised by that, he was always thirsting for knowledge and he turned that down. Teal'c was out as a Jaffa with a symbiote. And me? I had been through a blending once. I couldn't do it again. It had been hard enough the first time, the thought of doing it again…

And then Martouf invited me to take a walk on the surface whilst the Tok'ra council debated on whether we could be good allies or not. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c were to remain in the tunnels, we were, in effect prisoners. But Martouf wanted to hear about Jolinar. Evidently, Martouf/Lantash were Jolinar and her hosts, Rosha, mate. They loved as one, and they mourned as well. No wonder I was so confused, I was left with the memories and feelings of Jolinar…the feeling of love towards Martouf/Lantash. And even though I love Jack, the emotions that Jolinar had left imprinted on my mind for Martouf…were beyond anything that I could comprehend, they had been together for over 100 years.

Daniel stumbled upon us then, in a sort…moment, not kissing but…sharing our emotions. The Tok'ra high council was being convened for us, and we had to go meet them. They seemed…unwilling, and were stalling when SG-3 showed up. It was my Dad, he was in the hospital and it was serious. General Hammond wouldn't have sent them to extract me if it weren't serious. They wouldn't let me go. We were a security risk. My Dad was dying and I couldn't see him. But they were going to 'try and make us as comfortable as possible'. Like that was at all possible with the knowledge that my Dad was back on Earth dying.

And then we were told why they didn't want to be allied with us, we were unwilling to become hosts. So we were stuck on some god-forsaken sand planet with some snake heads and my Dad was thinking I couldn't be there because I was off fixing some satellite. And then I came up with a way to get us out of here…and save my Dad. Talk to him about becoming a host to a Tok'ra symbiote. Selmak. They let Jack and I go back to earth, and it was nice knowing that he had my six. Literally and figuratively speaking.

Talking General Hammond into it was hard. But Dad was dying, and maybe I was a little clouded in my view but this just seemed an easy to way to save Dad and create an Alliance with the Tok'ra…and save Daniel, Teal'c and SG-3. The General eventually allowed me to talk to Dad. But that actually involved me getting him to believe what the Stargate program actually was. He was actually willing to give it a go. Well, to at least consider the idea.

Arriving back at the planet, my father with Jack and I we were a little surprised to not find any Tok'ra waiting for us. As we soon found out the System Lords had been informed of the Tok'ra's presence on this planet and had dispatched two motherships to destroy them. Dad and Selmak got along okay, surprisingly well, and after talking to the host and telling me only had two options. Death, or this. And Death was unacceptable to him. He decided to go ahead with the blending, though Selmak wanted to get to know him a bit more before she accepted him as a host. After she had decided she liked my 'teddy bear' of a father, he did something I didn't expect. He got all sentimental on me, telling me how proud he was of me, and I knew he wasn't good at that sentimental stuff, heck he even admitted it himself, so coming from him, it meant a lot.

After Dad and Selmak blended, we were not to move him until Selmak had completed her repairs of my father's body. But the Goa'uld were coming and all the other tunnels had been…de-grown, we had to evacuate. Martouf offered to stay with Dad until he awoke, but I couldn't leave him. Jack…well, he was pretty pissed off, I could see he was. He didn't want me to die for nothing, and we couldn't even say a proper goodbye, though we both hoped that it wasn't, we both understood it was a possibility.

And then Selmak was awake, the repairs on his body were complete, and not just the Cancer, but his Arthritis was gone as well. Boy, was he pleased with that. We had to leave immediately, the tunnels were collapsing around us, and if we didn't move now we would be absorbed…killed in other words. We only just made it in time to the ring device as well, and it was close dialing the Stargate, we had no idea whether it was us dialing out or the Goa'uld dialing in. We had to take a leap of faith. Die in the wormhole, or risk being captured and tortured by the Goa'uld. We took the wormhole…and clanged onto the gate ramp.

Dad seemed pretty happy, considering he was now sharing his body with a 2000 year old Tok'ra symbiote. But I knew that I had made the right decision when Dad told me he loved me. He had never said that before to me. Score one to Selmak. But it was over all too soon. Garshaw, Martouf and Dad had to go to the new Tok'ra homeworld, and move worlds again to stop the Goa'uld from potentially tracking them. It was hard saying goodbye to him, but I knew Martouf would keep his promise, to me…and to the memory of Jolinar.

It wasn't until much later that night until I realized that Jack had barely said a word during the debriefing, and when we were dismissed he stalked out without so much as a backward glance at me. I did go looking for him, albeit on the quiet, just pretended to be wandering aimlessly as I searched out the usual places, the gym, the mess, his private quarters…even my office. Eventually I asked a passing airman if he had seen 'The Colonel', and was informed that he had left the base. Bastard.

"Colonel!" I yelled as I bashed on the door again, "What the hell is wrong with you?" I spat at him as he opened the door, his face set in grim mask

"Captain." He grated out as I barged past him, "Been kissing any snake heads lately?"

"What!" Shocked to the core at what he was insinuating, "You think I kissed Martouf, you think that little of me that I would do that?"

"Daniel said he found you in a 'moment' with him, and I saw the way he was looking at you…crap I screwed up didn't I?" Jack said as he shut the door and slumped against the wall.

"Jack, I love you, though sometimes I wonder why. I could never betray you, not willingly at least." I said as I closed the distance and raised his head to meet my gaze, "Jack, I was confused, I had…have, all these memories of him, feelings…left behind by Jolinar, it's confusing as all hell to have them there, coz I know they are not my memories, and not my feelings, but I still remember them and feel them."

"Shit…Sam, I'm so sorry…" he mumbled as drew me into his body and buried his head in my shoulder as he muttered apology after apology.

"No need to apologise, I can see why you would be upset." I finally said after an eternity of just holding him.

"I shouldn't be upset though, I trust you…I just…jealousy is horrible thing." He finally admitted as I gave a small giggle, "No giggling Captain." He admonished as he looked into my eyes.

"You were jealous…of what exactly?" I asked as I ran my fingers through his hair, messing it up more than it already was.

"Well…he just…I'm…well, I just don't see how I could ever measure up to a guy like that…" he said haltingly as I stared at him.

"What?" I finally managed to get out, as he gave a wry smile.

"Well, you know, he's…smart and handsome and…well, young…I mean, I know he isn't young but he looks young and I'm…not…" he shifted uncomfortably under my gaze as my hands dropped from his hair.

"You're not…young, smart or handsome?" I clarified as Jack gave a stupefied nod as he slid away from the wall, and away from me, "Now hang on second here Jack, you're going to damn well listen to this."

I gave a deep breathe before I launched into my diatribe, "I Love You, I have always, and will always love you. You are the only one for me. To me you are smart, you are handsome, and whilst you may be a bit older than me, I don't care about that. Never have. Never will. So, just…get over it." I spat out as he grinned sheepishly as he strode towards me and swept me into a giant hug.

"I don't deserve you, but you love me anyway…" He mumbled into my ear as he nuzzled my neck affectionately.

"Yeah…sure…" I replied as he started walking me towards the couch, both of us laughing as we toppled onto it with me laying sprawled across his chest.

"So how you coping?" he asked suddenly after we had shifted so that we laying on our sides, with our legs tangled together, our faces mere centimeters apart.

"Okay, I guess…it's not everyday your father becomes host to a 2000 year symbiote…but, this is our second chance Jack…I get a second chance to get to know my father." I replied honestly he gave me a gentle nudge, "Okay, it's kinda weird…really weird, but I did suggest it, so yeah."

"God you're amazing Sam." He said as he brushed his lips tenderly over mine, smiling as he leant back again.

"I know." I grinned broadly as he gave a small chortle, as I snuggled into his chest.

"You scared me today you know…when you stayed behind…" Jack said quietly as he stroked my hair.

"I did?"

"mm-mm, I knew it was going to be close…maybe too close…" Jack was hugging me so tightly, his arms wrapped securely around me as he slung a leg over my hips.

"I couldn't leave Dad…" I whispered as I stroked his chest my fingers gently working their way downwards to rest on his narrow hips.

"I know…waiting in that Gate room for you to come through…I felt like my whole world was about to collapse in on me." I leaned back as I stared into his chocolate eyes, as they glistened with unshed tears, "But you did come through…you came back…"

"Always." I mumble as I leant my head back into his chest. It had been a long couple of days, and sleep had been infrequent and fitful in that time. I was so very tired as I gave a small yawn, Jack's hands, those beautiful, gentle hands began stroking my back as sleep overcame both of us.

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**"Hi, you've reached Aertyn - Fluff Monster, please leave a message after the tone..."**

** -tone-**

** So, hopefully I'll get time tomorrow to write up "The Fifth Race"...that will be alternating POV's, between Jack/Sam and maybe even Daniel...maybe, we'll see how it goes.**


	13. The Fifth Race

**Disclaimer: Stargate is not owned by me. **

**Spoiler: The Fifth Race...teeny mention of "Solitudes" **

**Rating: T**

**Well...it's been awhile. And after several tantrums, several starts (5 in fact), several completed versions (3), and at least 2 ranting session on msn to my ever patient Beta reader, it is done. Not as good as I would have liked it to be, but...I've spent a month writing this chapter! An entire month! I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope it was worth it...the sleepless nights, the...I lost count of how many I watched this episode, but I know the whole thing by heart now. Please review!**

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Just another boring, mundane mission briefing. Daniel was rambling on about the four languages that we found on Ernests planet. I was trying hard to stay interested. Sam, bless her little heart, actually was interested. Teal'c was…well. He was Teal'c, you can't really tell the difference between an interested Teal'c and a bored Teal'c. So we gated to this planet that Daniel was just about having a coronary over.

It was a room. A single solitary room. Granted it was a very nice room. But still just a room. Daniel and Sam wanted to investigate. We were a front line team, we don't sit around scratching our heads over why a race of long dead people built a room to put a Stargate in. And then the room did something. Well, I did something that made the room do something. I stepped across the circle of text. Now, considering that this was an alien planet that probably wasn't the smartest of ideas, but hey I'm not exactly the smartest of guys. There was now…a thing…on the wall. Kinda funky looking though. T was the first one to look into it. Blackness filled with coloured lights. Gee, what a great description T. That leaves us…exactly where we were before you looked in the funky looking thing. Naturally, I had to investigate as well, being team leader and all, it was my job to assess the risk that the thing may pose to my team.

I made it do something again, must be the O'Neill charm I guess, but it went…well it went 'zwoosh' and expanded out of the wall. And then it grabbed my head. Lights flashed in front of my eyes, and then blackness. It did not escape my attention that Sam, Daniel and T just looked whilst I struggled to get it to let go. Memo to self: Remind them that when you look like your struggling to get out of something, it generally means you are and require help.

To be honest, I don't remember much after that. Just a few vague flashes of things. Like taking out the power source on T's staff weapon. Boxing with T. He hit me. Hard. Sam walking through the gate to a planet that I had put into the dialing computer. After that it's a bit of a haze.

I was told later that I went a bit..quiet. I lost the ability to communicate. The DHD on the planet that I sent Sam too had seized up. I just started drawing apparently, instructions on how to fix the DHD. They worked, I got Sam home. But I did…do feel terrible, I did send them there in the first place.

And there was the contraption that I built. No-one knew what it was, heck I didn't even know what it was. Apparently I got rather annoyed when people kept asking me what it was. That didn't surprise me much. If I don't know what it is now, I'm going to know in another 5 minutes. And then the gate started dialing out, because of a program that I had written. Considering I have trouble turning a computer on…to re-write the entire dialing program was pretty damn, well, cool! That's when my very own doohickey came into play. No-one knew what it was still, I spose' that was kind of cool, I had the best scientific minds scratching their heads over something that I had built. Okay, it wasn't entirely me…more the info in my head. But it was still in my body, so…me! Anyway, Daniel and Teal'c told me later, that I hooked it up to the power grid so that the Stargate could get an energy boost, because whatever I had done to it was making it draw way more power than usual. And then things got really bizarre. The gate dialed out. To a planet that needed 8 symbols to get too. And then I just walked into it. Knowing that if I went I might not be able to come back. But I had to go, so that I could come back. To Sam. I had too. Well, to be honest I don't remember thinking like that, but I'd like to think I was thinking like that.

I do remember hurtling out of that gate though. Crap it hurt. And the little aliens. They were cool, Thor's race. The Asgard. They helped me. I guess somewhere in amongst all that knowledge that was put in my head by The Ancients, it remembered that they were allies and that they would help me. Apparently we have 'great potential'. Exactly what that means I don't know, but it was rather…humbling to be told by a race as advanced as the Asgard that we have 'great potential'. Some clarification on that would be nice though. I did learn something though, The Ancients were the ones who built the Stargate system, Daniel will be happy that proves that his theory is correct (another one, maybe I should leave that out…he's getting a big head, what with his theory on the pyramids not being built by…Rufus?...) I did sort of give them a few home truths, that we were out there, exploring the galaxy and interacting with other races, hopefully that will get their attention.

And then they hit me with the kicker. We had already taken steps towards becoming "The Fifth Race". Now that was cool. Really cool. But…we had a lot to live up too now. A heck of a lot. Then they sent me home. Apparently they can dial us up without needing a power boost, will have to mention that to Sam.

So, after the most interesting briefing in awhile (no sarcasm!), they told me what I had done when I was…Ancient. Sam went home by herself, she left me a note. Just a time. No name. Nothing to indicate who it was from. The way it always was. After picking up a pizza, I parked a block from her house and walked the rest of the way. The façade was kept in place until we were in the safety of her family room. I barely had time to kick my shoes off put the boiling pizza box on the table before she flung herself into my arms.

"Hey, it's okay Sam." I told her gently my hand automatically reaching up to cup the back of her head.

"When you stepped through the gate…I thought I was never going to see you again." She whispered into my chest, genuine fear lacing her voice as she turned to look up into my eyes.

"But you did Sam." I reassured her, as I lowered both of us onto her couch and pulled her against me. "We both know the risks of this job, we both know that we could step through that gate and not come back. We know that. We accept that. But know this, I will never leave you willingly Sam. I left today because I had too. I left so that I could come back to you. If I ever step through that gate and don't come back, it's not because I don't want to, it's because I can't." Hearing her sniffle quietly, and knowing that that was the sound she made when she was trying not to cry I gently turned her face towards me.

"I'm…" Sam started, the words catching in her throat as he gently cupped her face.

"Sam, we've chewed over this before…we can't change what happened. We just have to live for the here and now and cherish every moment we have." I whispered, as I gently brushed my lips over hers, smiling against them as she melted into my grasp.

"Jack…" Sam quietly murmured as she pulled away

"Yeah?"

"Can we move this to the bedroom. We've barely slept in nearly a week." Sam explained, standing up, my hand grasped tightly in her own as she pulled me up with her.

The Pizza lay forgotten as Sam lead me down to her now very familiar bedroom, I smiled as she stripped her clothes off and pulled her pyjamas on, which was an old hockey shirt that she had swiped from my house. I wondered where that had gone. It looks better on her anyway. As she climbed under the covers she gave me that look that basically screamed 'come hither flyboy'. I can't do much, and I'm not very bright. But that I can understand and that I can do. So, giving a little smile I strip down to my own boxers. Not Simpsons today, they were all being washed…well they were in the washing basket the last time I was at home, but a deep purple colour, silk. Part of my birthday present from Sam. Slipping under the covers, I immediately cuddled up to her warm body, breathing in her apple scent, and that scent that was…well, Sam.

"Hey." I whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against her neck as she twisted her head around slightly.

"Hey yourself." She whispered back as her eyes began to close.

"Sleep, my Sam, sleep." I told her gently, and being the good little soldier that she is, she followed my command.

I stared into the dark of her room for a long time, trying desperately to remember something…anything to help Daniel and Sam, maybe even something to help us fight against the snakes, but kept coming up with only useless bits of information. Groaning quietly in frustration, I glanced down at the relaxed face of my love. I'd come close to not coming back today, and I know that would have been tearing her up. Knowing that she couldn't help, and knowing that she wouldn't be able to help me could have destroyed her if I hadn't come back.

But that's why we were doing this. With the knowledge that one day we might not step back through that Gate. We didn't want any regrets in life. We had made a promise in Antarctica. No regrets. We lived a short, brutal life, especially since we were SG-1, we just wanted to have what we could have now because we knew…understood that if we waited we might never get that chance. That tiny chance, that tiny sliver of happiness. I think after what we have been through the past 18 months. We deserve this. I wasn't going to give this up. I was going to keep coming back through that Stargate whenever I could, because I couldn't give this up. Not now. Not ever. Whatever we faced, whatever challenges that fell our way, I knew that I would never give up trying to get back to her.

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**Hope you enjoyed it. **


	14. Out of Mind & Into the Fire

**Disclaimer: You guys know the drill, but ya...Stargate is not owned by me, otherwise...yeah, us shippers would have answers.**

**Spoilers: Out of mind and Into the Fire**

**Rating: M +**

**Well, it's been...21 days since I last updated this story. It's been, tough, I've had blood tests and x-rays, trying to figure out what is causing my chronic back pain, but as yet we have no answers. I also had my first exams for University last week, and I believe I went okay, better than expected, considering how little work I've actually done in class (you need only look at the majority of my fanfics, many of these were written during lectures). And on Wednesday of last week, my optometrist discovered a potentially serious problem with my optic nerve, and I see a specialist on Monday. But yeah, going to stop crapping on about my personal problems.**

I've watched these two episodes so many times I can talk along with them. There was a heck of a lot to cover, and I didn't get all of what I wanted to include. But, finally, I had to admit to myself that I am a part time writer, re-writing an entire show, it's never going to be Bronte or Dickens, and that you, as a Stargate fan, would obviously be able to fill in some of the blanks. 

**Also, I fiddle with the dialogue and some of the actions from this episode, most of it is the same, just a few sentences and such at key moments, but mostly, I've tried to keep it in line with what happened in these episodes.**

** As always, I hope you enjoy this latest installment. **

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God damn it was cold. That was my first thought. My second thought was for my team. It was not a nice feeling to wake up that cold, alone with two complete strangers staring at you and telling you that everything you knew. Everyone you knew were gone. Because, apparently the year was now 2077. My whole life crumbled down on me. Sam was dead. Daniel was dead. Even Teal'c. What the hell happened to us? I'd been frozen for 80 years. Even Cassie would have been nearing 100, if she were even still alive. Not only did I not have a clue about what happened to us, but I had no idea what had happened to my team, and the people who had unfrozen me knew bugger all.

It hurt so god-damned much, knowing that my Sam was gone. Knowing that I would never see her smile again, or her laugh, the way her brow would wrinkle and her nose would crinkle when she was trying to figure something out. I would never hear her sing in the shower with that voice that she hated but made my day just that little bit brighter, or how she would always eat her breakfast the same way. 3 bites of toast, a half a cup of coffee(double strength), finish the toast and then finish the coffee. And Daniel. I was going to miss him too, for…well the opposite reasons, yeah okay he still bugged the hell outta me, but he was just so damn enthusiastic about everything, it was catching…sometimes. Like, when he found that planet with the sucky head thing on it, his enthusiasm was almost catching, Sam was pretty enthusiastic about it too. Teal'c was well…he was Teal'c, I'd miss him. I'd miss his eyebrow. I'd miss the fact that he was always there to back you up. I don't think I ever told him how much he meant to the team, he was our rock, if he fell we all fell because he was the strongest of us all. I needed time to…compose myself. Hide behind the soldier façade that had to exist now. Somehow, I don't think they were going let me…have time to mourn the death of my Team. Guess that hasn't really changed about the military.

Yeah, they wanted to know about military strength, who could have the power to do this to me. They attached a…well, a little button type thing to my head, hurt like crap too! It was a memory recall device. Let's just hope the memories I could conjure up would be helpful. The Nox were the first that I could think of, they could revive their dead after all, and they did have that cool floating city. They wanted more though. The Asgard, they had that cool beam thing that could wipe out Jaffa like a bowling ball wipes out pins. My memory flipped to Ernest's planet, Daniel was still whining about losing that place, the information that may have been in their could have helped us…meaning of life stuff he kept going on about…and on and on.

My memory started flickering, fading in and out, flashes of Sam coming up on the screen. Her smiling at me, our first dance together, our first anniversary, and countless other images flashing across the screen before everything went black.

Things were pretty hazy for awhile, at some stage I must have been lucid enough to stop the drip…infusion thing of whatever the heck it was they were putting in me, because the next thing I remembered was waking up and being pretty damn alert. And hearing Goa'uld. Not exactly something you would expect to hear at the SGC, so definitely something fishy…err, snakey was up. So, I unhooked the little infusor thing, gave a fake little cough and waited for the guy to come check me out. Knocking him out was easy, even though I was still pretty heavily sedated…maybe I should mention that sometime, that for supposed protectors of Gods they seem pretty easy to take out at times. So, after borrowing his clothes I went for a self guided tour around the SGC.

Now that shouldn't be. Tacky Goa'uld designs on the back wall of the lift. Yeah, I could definitely smell the snakey-ness in the air. So, a scouting I went. Found another lift. Found another SGC. My hopes were beginning to soar ever so slightly by this stage, that maybe my team wasn't dead after all. That Sam was still alive. That Daniel was still alive. That Teal'c was still alive. I knew it was a long shot, but as long as that tiny spark of hope existed I had cause…a reason to search for them. For her.

And then I saw her. Sam. On a table just like I had been, with a snake-head…or snake-belly, standing over her. Well, I grabbed the first thing I saw. A giant thermos type…thing and whacked the guy over the head, he went down like a tonne of bricks. After all this time, I still get an awesome buzz from doing that.

"Sam…Sam!" I said, my voice barely above a stage whisper as I pulled the cords out of her, my heart soaring as she came too.

"Jack…I thought you were dead." Her voice was full of pain, full of loss…but full of hope as well as the screen behind us suddenly lit up. It was of that time when I got stuck on a wall, yeah…didn't want to relive that again, so I gently pulled the cord off, giving her a wry smile.

"These things have a nasty habit of going off when you least expect it." I explained quietly, my thumb rubbing a reassuring pattern on her shoulder.

"They said…"

"They're Gou'uld Sam."

"Daniel? Teal'c?" She questioned, her eyes staring deep into mine, conveying her relief at seeing me…knowing that I wasn't dead.

"Don't know…you okay…can you walk?"

"I'm fine…and yeah, I think so."

"You sure?" Okay, so I'm a little over-protective of her at times, I just…get scared when it comes to her.

"Jack…" Her tone conveyed her annoyance at my line of questioning as she sat up, the sheet thing, clinging to her body and…no, Jack, no, get your mind out of the gutter.

"Okay…umm, trade clothes with that guy." I said, straightening up, my eyes drinking in her appearance as she smiled at me, before planting a small kiss on my lips, a gentle, reassuring, loving kiss as she climbed off the bench and bent down to change into the unconscious mans clothes.

Our next task was to find Daniel and Teal'c, and that meant we had to navigate the halls and avoid the guards. Which, again, was far too easy. Training has obviously been relaxed for these guys. We didn't find Teal'c though, that had me worried, but he was a tough cookie, I'm sure he can handle it. I hope he can handle it, I really do. I hope he's okay, where ever he is. Daniel was, of course, thinking logically about this whole thing, wondering who could have spent long enough on base to be able to replicate it in this detail, they even had wires…lockers, light switches, every damn thing was where it should be!

Ah crap. My worst nightmare…well, actually, not my worst nightmare, but pretty damn close to it. Hathor. She-with-the-fire-engine-red-clearly-out-of-a-bottle hair. And then everything made sense. She wanted to know how the state of affairs were going, who was doing what, who had killed who and all that stuff. Hathor (now known as SWTFERCOFABH woman) wanted to align with the Asgard. Like the little guys would ever be in league with a Goa'uld, sure they might drop by…then kick her snakey little butt. I almost laughed when she asked Sam what the GDO code was, Sam was military…a career soldier, staring at her was not going to make her crumble.

And then she made us an offer. Become a host. Not much of an option really. I really didn't want to do that. But I would never, ever let Sam go through that again. Being a host to Jolinar had nearly killed her, being a host to a Goa'uld…I didn't want to think of it. Daniel…well…I couldn't let him be taken either. I didn't know I could be thankful for being chosen as a host. But knowing that Sam and Daniel weren't going to have to go through it…was a little easier. At least Sam would have Daniel to lean on when I…was you know. So, in a last desperate attempt to spare myself, and Sam and Daniel, I tried to kill the Goa'uld. Got shot with a Zat. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate those things? They hurt like heck. Guess that's the point though.

They hauled me back into the cryo…stasis chamber thing, I forget the name. SWTFERCOFABH woman then informed me that after becoming a host, I would take the lives of my friends. My best friend. And the woman who had my heart. Killing her would be like killing myself. All I could keep thinking…hoping is that something would happen so that this wouldn't happen. So that I wouldn't kill my…my Sam, and that we would get out of here, and that we would be okay. Hope is futile at times though…and it was getting pretty damned futile.

Pain. Nothing but pain as I felt the snake tear open my skin, and bore it's way into my body. A faint voice. A Goa'uld voice, broke through. Not Goa'uld. Tok'ra. She could help. And then blackness as the chamber closed and sank into the icy depths of the cryo thing.

An angel. The voice of an angel came through. My blonde haired, blue eyed angel had come back for me. And another voice…my angel was in pain. I had to act fast, well as fast as my body could go. SWTFERCOFABH woman was so intent on torturing Sam she never even noticed me sneak up behind her. I threw her into the corio-genie…or whatever the heck that thing was called. Hathor… SWTFERCOFABH was gone. Finally. It was over.

"Sam!" I cried as I knelt down in front of her, pulling her…a little more roughly than intended.

"Jack…what happened?" she questioned, out of breath and still recovering from the hand-device that Hathor had used on her. I was so happy to see her, that I did the only thing I could think off. I pulled her into a bone crushing hug, holding onto her with everything I had as I mumbled her name into her neck.

"Hathor's…gone." I answered her finally, my body shuddering and shaking violently as she explained what had happened. We were still in trouble…but we were SG-1, we had been in worse, finally releasing her from my death grip as the Tok'ra that I thought was dead spoke up. What we needed was hidden in the mock up of the SGC facility…gee, that wouldn't be too hard to find.

Turns out it wasn't that hard. Sam had one of her doohickey's with her that read energy, and the control was…kinda hard to miss. So after setting the charges we got the hell outta there, hoping that the other SG team had been able to keep the gate secure and that it would be easy to get home.

But really, is anything ever easy for us? They had been captured. Were being held at gun point…well, Zat point if you want to get technical about it. Reinforcements were due any minute, but I didn't want to test that. Didn't want to cost more lives. And besides, the head honcho still thought I was a Goa'uld. I could use that.

"Blow that C4 the minute the cavalry comes through that gate Sam."

"What if they don't?" She wanted to know my plan B…I had no plan B. I had plan A and then…well, it was Plan Make-it-up-as-we-go.

"What if they don't?" I questioned right back.

"They'll come." Sam quickly said, fear lancing across her eyes briefly as I smiled slowly before leaning in and kissing her gently.

"Just in case…I love you Sam…I always will."

"I know…I love you too." I allowed my eyes to briefly sweep over her, committing her to memory, savouring her. Before I stood up and walked into the fire.

At least I had my good ol' Jack O'Neill humour to fall back on when my 'Jaffa Kree!' didn't work. I just had to have a dig at Makepeace's rescue as well. Couldn't help myself…well maybe I could have, but hey…I'm only human after all!

And right on time, the gate dialed in and a ship popped through. Good ol' Teal'c, and General Hammond as well, first flight in a Death Glider, the grin on his face afterwards was priceless. Thank God they came through when they did too, I was pretty damn close to being zatted…again. REALLY didn't want that to happen…again. Thank God Sam was alert, otherwise I'd be toast by now as well.

And just like that, it was over. We were free.

It was the worlds longest…and most interesting briefing I had ever been too. Yes, I did just admit that I found a briefing interesting. And after being subjected to many of Janet's tests and after she had used my butt as a substitute pin cushion, and to make sure that all traces of the Goa'uld had left my system, which it had, didn't even have any traces of Naquadah in my blood. Kinda weird that. But after, x-ray's, MRI's, blood tests and all that jazz we were finally allowed to go home.

The usual procedure was followed. We left in separate cars, and I parked a good 2 blocks from her house, in a street where it was easy to conceal my car, before jogging all the way in near darkness to her front door.

"Sam?" I called, after finding her house in darkness, but knowing she was home. I could hear the poorly muffled sobs from her bedroom as I tiptoed down the hallway.

"Yeah?" she answered as I pushed her bedroom door open, she was sitting in the middle of her bed, her arms wrapped around her knees as she raised her tear stained face to meet mine. That image alone caused my walls to crumbled as I quickly strode over to the bed and climbed on, positioning myself behind her I wrapped my arms around her body as she at first tensed, and then relaxed into my grasp, my head resting on her shoulder as I whispered reassuring words to her as I felt the sobs that wracked her body decrease until only a sniffle was to be heard.

"You okay?" I asked, after an eternity in the black…in the quiet.

"I will be…it's just…I thought I lost you today…when I woke up and they told me you were dead, it was my worst nightmare come to life, and then you came…you were there, alive. And then…Hathor. God I really hate that bitch, she nearly took you from me again, I thought I had lost you twice in 2 days…it's just a lot to deal with Jack." Sam was stumbling over her words, choking them out.

"Sam…I know how you feel…when she told me that after being taken as a host I would have to…kill you, it broke me Sam. I would be there. I would still feel, still hear…and would watch as my body took you." By now, tears had begun forming in my own eyes as I gently nuzzled her neck, breathing in her scent as she gave a quiet sigh.

Turning her head to the side, she captured my lips in a kiss, a searing kiss, one that sent shivers down my spine as her right hand came up to gently cup my face as I deepened the kiss. My hands immediately started inching under her shirt, running across the smooth expanse of skin as she suddenly pulled away, reefing the top over her head with a ferocity and an urgency that I had never seen. The rest of our clothes quickly followed, a pile forming on the floor as Sam straddled my legs.

"Jack…" Sam suddenly questioned, her fingers tracing crazy patterns on my abdomen

"Yeah?"

"I love you...more than I ever thought possible, I thought I lost you today…I…I…"

"Shhh, Sam, it's okay, I understand if you don't want to do this tonight." I quickly said, wanting to reassure her.

"No…Jack, it made me realise why we are doing this…more than ever before. I want every day to count, I want every day to mean something, for both of us. So that if the worst happens, and one of us doesn't come back, we will have a life-time of memories already, and that we wont have any 'what ifs', no doubts, nothing like that. Promise me Jack, we don't go on a mission angry at each other, we hide nothing and we live each day as it comes."

I could feel how important this was to Sam, heck it was important to me as well, and that's why I agreed to easily, I'd already had my life time of what ifs. Now it was time to create a new life, a life with no regrets should the worst happen.

"I love you Sam, I promise you, we will never go on a mission angry, I will never hide anything from you, and we will live every day as it comes. Nothing is guaranteed in life, I can't guarantee that we will get our fairytale ending, I can't guarantee that we will get our forever, but I can guarantee that I will love you for every single day that we are given together…and God forbid, I will love you even when we aren't. We may not get our forever Sam, but our love will burn forever." Okay, I'll admit it, Jack O'Neill is turning into a hopeless romantic in old age. But it was the truth, I had found a love that would burn forever, so far I had been pretty pathetic at telling her just how much she meant to me, what she was to me. It still wasn't right, the depth of the words weren't there…maybe there were no words that could truly explain what I felt towards Sam.

"Jack O'Neill, you're a romantic!" I could tell she was pretty shocked, but happy, if the tears flowing down her cheeks were anything to go by.

"My Sam, don't cry." Closing the gap, I gently kissed away her tears, reassuring her with the gentle caress of my lips as they met in a kiss that sealed our agreement, that this was forever for us, mind, body, soul and heart. We had faced death today, not just our deaths, but the death of each other, and Sam…she thought she lost me twice over, the pain she must have felt, must have been indescribable.

Lowering her onto the bed, I covered her body in gentle caresses and tender kisses, bringing her to the brink of completion, my fingers dancing and teasing through her damp folds as she writhed beneath them before, with a final plea from Sam, I covered her body with my own and gently pushed through her silken depths.

"Open up for me Jack…" Sam whispered as I slowly began to rock into her body, my eyes staring deep into her blue pools as I allowed all my defenses to drop, showing her how much I loved her, showing her how much I needed her. Showing her how much she meant to me, because I knew I would never be able to find the words, because I knew that no words had been created to tell her that.

With a soft cry, her body arched under mine, her internal muscles pulling me in further as I felt the tremors begin in my own body, and with one final push, I followed her over into the bliss that we had created. Covering her face in soft kiss, I settled onto my side and pulled her against my body, wrapping my arms around her as sleep claimed us both.

As the dawn crept up on us, I gently eased myself off the bed covering Sam with her blanket, smiling slightly as she burrowed under the warmth, I gathered my clothes and, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, escaped in the morning light. Yesterday had bought about a big change in my feelings, sure I had always felt this way about Sam. But now she knew how much. And it didn't scare me, not like I thought it would. Not like it had with Sara. Two good things came out of the past few days. Hathor was dead…well, she was a Hathor-sicle now, and I could open up to my feelings. As I jogged towards my car in the early morning light, the air crisp with the onset of winter, and Christmas just around the corner, I had a smile the size of the Milky Way planted on my face. It was friggin' fantastic to be alive. To be in love. To have that forever waiting for you when our job was done.

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**The next chapter will be "1998 in review"...and yes I know that during Out of mind, Sam mentions that it's 1999, but yeah...stuff that. :) It's mostly written (in my head), and will probably be done in a couple of days. I'm going to try and get some more interaction between Jack/Sam and Daniel, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie, but we will see how that pans out.**

**I hope you enjoyed my version of 'Out of mind' and 'Into the fire', reviews, as always, would be lovely. **


	15. 1998: Christmas

**Disclaimer: You guys know the drill, I make no money and do this for my own torment.**

**Rating: K**

**Spoilers: Various for Season 2**

**Song: Secret by Heart**

**I've had a truly shocking month, started off by being told I could have a brain tumour by my eye specialist, and in that same week, I lost my beautiful boy of 12 years, my best friend, Wilbur, my constant companion is now running free over the Rainbow Bridge, happy and healthy, and waiting for me to join him. It was the hardest decision mum and I have ever had to make, but we know we did the right thing for my boy...doesn't make it any easier to let him go though.  
**

**Doctors are still perplexed over me, I could have anything from Migraine's to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome to Glandular Fever to Ross River Fever...and a dozen others in between. I'm booking into have an MRI and an Angiogram in the next few weeks, and then...who knows...**

**So, here is the next chapter, Christmas. I hope it was worth the wait.**

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Christmas morning dawned clear and bright, a thick layer of snow covered the front lawn, and was in enough abundance that a snowball fight was likely to break out among the SG-1 members, plus their two adopted members, Janet Frasier and her adopted daughter, Cassie. 

Sam was still confused as to why her house had been picked as 'The' house this year, with it being smaller than both Jack's and Janet's, but it was central to both their houses and the SGC, so it sort of made sense. Granted they would be a little squashed around the kitchen table, but they could deal. Stretching languidly, she rolled over in her bed to find a little note propped up on the pillow, smiling sadly as she read the short note in the now very familiar hand writing.

Left before the cavalry arrived, will be back about 8. We all know how much the little munchkin is looking forward to Christmas, wouldn't want to torment her any longer than necessary.

Oh, if only they didn't have to lie to their friends about their relationship. But it was better this way, safer for them, and safer for their friends, oh no doubt they had an inkling that their feelings ran a little deeper than allowed, but Sam didn't think they truly knew what they were doing. Which was, quite literally, throwing the rule book out the window.

The chiming of her door bell broke her out of her musings. Janet and Cassie no doubt, god only knows what time Cassie had woken up Janet, but they had said they would be here at 8, and as she left the warmth of her bed, she glanced at the clock, smiling as the digits ticked over to 8:01. Right on time.

A tired looking Janet and a bouncing Cassie greeted Sam as she swung the door open, before she was being hurled into a hug by the little whirlwind from Hanka.

"Merry Christmas Cass." Sam said, as Janet yawned behind her and stepped through the doorway.

"Merry Christmas Sam!" She cried, before she picked up the bags that Janet had left by the door as she removed her coat and raced over to the tree, carefully placing them in piles.

"What time did she wake you up this year?" Sam asked as she guided her into her small kitchen and seated her at the kitchen counter, busying herself with making coffee.

"Same time as last year, 5am on the dot." Janet answered, her words broken by a huge yawn as a cup of steaming coffee was placed in front of her, "You're a life saver you know that."

Sam blushed a little, but smiled coyly as she started making breakfast, pancakes, scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, a complete breakfast in other words as the doorbell chimed once again, neither Sam nor Janet bothering to move as they knew full well that Cassie would already be there.

"Merry Christmas Daniel and Teal'c!"

"Merry Christmas Cassie"

"Merry Christmas Cassandra Frasier."

"Where is…ohh, coffee!"

Sam and Janet chuckled as Daniel rounded the corner, his eyes immediately honing in on the coffee machine, before giving Sam his best version of puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, you sit, I'll get you coffee, breakfast is ready anyway."

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" Came a cry from the front door as Cassie gave a little squeal and hurled herself into the arms of her favorite Colonel. Janet smiled as Jack stepped into the kitchen, wearing a full Santa suit. Sam slid a cup of coffee under Daniel's nose, and slid breakfast onto the bench, before she leant against the counter and stared fondly at her lover as he pulled the Santa Hat he was carrying onto his head, completing his ensemble.

Smiling fondly down at the girl that had her arms wrapped around his waist he picked her up lightly, swinging her around in a circle that sent her into fits of giggles, before he plonked himself down on her couch, and pulled Cassie onto his lap.

"Now, have you been a good girl for Santa this year?" Jack asked, as Cassie grinned broadly up at him.

"Yes."

"Really?" Jack countered, a smile playing at his face.

"Well, Jimmy provoked me into tipping the red paint over his head."

"Ahh, so you were only naughty because you were provoked."

"Yeah…sure..yabetcha!"

"I think she's spending far too much time with you Colonel." Janet called from where she was cutting up her hash brown into neat little pieces, ignoring the identical evil grins that graced Cassie and Jack's faces.

"Colonel, Cassie, breakfast is ready."

"Carter, we are on down time, call me Jack." It was a well rehearsed line by now, but one they always did for…well, they weren't sure why they did it anymore, but they did.

"Only if you call me Sam." She countered quickly, smiling at Cassie as she hopped onto the stool and dove into her scrambled eggs, humming Christmas tunes the whole time.

"No, a bit to the left."

"Look, Carter…"

"Sam!"

"Sam, honestly…we could just throw these decorations on the tree and it'd still be perfect."

"I know…I just like it looking nice."

Jack sighed as he moved the little angel to the left, looking at Sam for approval as Daniel poured his 4th egg nog, Cassie was outside introducing Teal'c to snowball fights and Janet was 'supervising' said snowball fight, but Sam had a feeling she was 'hovering'.

"You know Sam…you could always do some of this yourself…" Jack mumbled as he stumbled over a box, cursing loudly as he went.

"I know, but this is so much more fun." Sam smiled and ducked as a small teddy bear with a santa hat on went flying past her. Daniel snorted from the couch, as he too had to duck when an angel went sailing past his head and hit a rather surprised Janet as she walked into the room.

"Cassie has declared herself the snowball fighting champion." She said with pride as Teal'c stepped in behind her, rivulets of water running down his face.

"She is indeed a most adept adversary." He stated solemnly as everyone collapsed into laughter as Cassie came waltzing into the room, a broad grin on her face and only a few wet patches on her front.

"Why thank you Teal'c, guess they never really covered snowball fights in Jaffa training huh?"

"Indeed they did not Cassandra Frasier." Teal'c replied as he accepted the towel that Janet had retrieved from the cupboard in the hallway and dried himself with as much dignity that he could muster (considering he was the former First Prime of Apophis who had just been beaten in a snowball fight by an 11 year old).

"Thank God Janet was paying attention." Sam said later as they chuckled at Cassie who was rifling through the pile of gifts on the floor, smiling at the young girl as she handed out the various presents, before diving into her own pile with glee, excited gasps and squeels softly emanating from her every few minutes.

"Indeed Captain Carter, it was most fortunate." Teal'c replied as he pulled his brand new hat on his head.

"It's not my fault…I swear the book said 2 hours!" Sam rebutted as Jack snorted into his eggnog. "What?"

"You can create a dialing system for a device created by aliens…but you can't cook a roast chicken." Jack flashed her a cheeky grin as Janet's eyes whipped between the two of them, a knowing glint flashing in her eyes before she turned her gaze back to her daughter.

"With all due respect sir, f…udge. Would anyone like some fudge?" Sam's cheeks burned red as Daniel coughed into his now empty glass, Teal'c raised an eyebrow, Janet sent her a look that was halfway between scolding and bemusement and Jack simply grinned back at her.

"Thank God…she's finally asleep!" Janet said as she collapsed onto the chair, a relieved look spreading over her features as Sam walked into the living room with a bottle of wine and some glasses, smiling briefly at Jack and Daniel who were arguing over hockey.

"Want a glass?" Sam asked as she sat down next to her friend who had an odd expression on her face for the briefest of seconds before it cleared back into her normal features.

"That'd be great Sam, thanks. You know, apart from the chicken this was the best Christmas I've ever had, couldn't ask for a better one really. Surrounded by my family…the only family I've ever really had." Janet was getting rather emotional by this stage, tears threatening to escape as she accepted the glass of fruity red from Sam.

"Doc is getting all…thingy…on us." Jack finally said as he shifted slightly in his seat, a little uncomfortable.

"Sorry, it's just…you guys are my family, and…there were times this year when I honestly thought we might not get here together." Janet swirled the wine in her glass thoughtfully, "As far as years go, I don't think this one was exactly a good one…"

"I wouldn't say that Janet…I mean there was meeting the Tok'ra, they saved my Dad, and we got an Alliance that could prove to be very useful against the Goa'uld." Sam butted in, sipping at her own wine as she chanced a glance at Jack, hiding the smile that threatened to grace her features when she saw him by the fireplace, poking it with the poker again.

"Jolinar…we nearly lost you Sam." Sam winched slightly at Janet dredging up that particular memory.

"Yes, but if she hadn't…taken me as a host, we would never have found the Tok'ra."

"Sam, honey, she invaded your body, took control of you without your permission."

"Janet, we've had this discussion before, she just wanted to survive…"

"I know Sam, and I know that she wanted to survive, but for a 'good guy' she certainly did go about it in a strange way."

Daniel and Teal'c had wisely decided to stay out of this conversation, Teal'c having gone back to reading the joke book that Jack had given him, in the hopes of…well, trying to give him a sense of humour. Or a sense of humour that people actually got. Daniel was staring at his now empty eggnog mug, a somber expression on his face as he gulped slightly, remembering what had happened to him that year. Shar'e.

"At least you got yourself back Sam…" Daniel muttered as they suddenly realized how insensitive they were being.

"Daniel…" Began both Janet and Sam as they turned to stare at him, pity rolling briefly across their features before being covered by the mask that they had presented since that day.

"It's okay…just, I miss her, and knowing that she's alive, if that can be called living. My beautiful Shar'e, a prisoner in her own body." Daniel sniffed slightly, as he turned to stare into the flickering flames of the fire before glancing down at his empty mug, "Well…would you look at that, I'm out of eggnog." Shrugging off both Sam's and Janet's apologies as he turned, walking past them into the kitchen.

"Talk about open mouth, insert foot…" Sam mumbled as Janet giggled into her wine glass, before sobering.

"But seriously…I don't know how you guys do it." Janet said quietly as she ruffled Cassie's hair lovingly as Sam and Jack shot a quick look at each other.

"We have each other Janet, as long as we have that we can deal…this is our job, it hurts, we risk our lives every time we step through that gate, but we have to do it." Sam said quietly, her gaze coming to rest on the sleeping form of Cassie, "For the future." She mumbled as an afterthought.

"But hey, we did meet the Asgard this year." Sam added brightly, "And we did get to travel back in time."

"Yeah…what was that like?" Janet asked as Daniel walked back into the room, well, to be honest since it was his 6th or 7th eggnog it was more of a stagger, "Daniel I think you've had enough to drink." She reached over and plucked the mug of eggnog from his grasp as Teal'c nodded in response.

"Indeed Daniel Jackson, you do not hold your liquor well." Teal'c himself was swirling his orange juice in his glass, as he stared around the room, still not understanding the point behind this ritual, but a sense of peace and contentment washed over him as he realized he didn't have to 'get' Christmas, or even be religious, it was just a time when friends and family could come together and celebrate life.

Daniel glared at the people around the room, before breaking into giggles, clutching his sides as he chortled uncontrollably.

"Anyway…time travel?" Janet asked, rolling her eyes at Daniel.

"It was…kinda fun, and from a scientific point of view it was…"

"Sam…it's Christmas…no techno-babble!" Jack's voice was full of mirth and merriment as Sam blushed under his gaze, her eyes shining brightly as she flashed him a grin, that grin that made his insides melt into a puddle of goo. Janet shot another glance between them, confusion crossing her face for a brief second before it dawned on her.

"Sam…I should get Cassie home soon, I'll just help clean the kitchen up." Janet's voice was full of questions as she stood up, her now empty glass cradled delicately in her hands as Sam followed her.

"What is it Janet?" she asked as packed the dishwasher.

"You're in love with him aren't you?" Janet said quietly as she scrubbed the pan that had once held the chicken.

"Who?" Sam asked, innocence filling her voice, and hoping it didn't come across as fake.

"Colonel O'Neill." Janet stated matter-of-factly as she turned to face Sam.

"Janet…you know the rules as well I do." The answer was barely above a whisper as Janet tilted her head slightly then smiled brightly, pulling Sam into a hug.

"Thank you for a great Christmas Sam." Letting go, she walked into the loungeroom to rouse Cassie from her sleep, waving a cheerful goodbye she pushed Cassie out the door as she yawned tiredly, it wasn't until she was at home that she realized that Sam had never said yes…but nor had she said no.

"I believe it is time for Daniel Jackson to return to base." Teal'c said as they stared at their sleeping friend, his glasses askew on his face and soft snores emitting from deep in his throat.

"That's probably a good idea Teal'c…boy is he going to have one heck of a hang over tomorrow." Jack replied as Teal'c hoisted Daniel into his arms, cradling him softly like a child as Jack walked ahead of him, opening the front door and then the passenger door for Teal'c.

"Do you wish to join us on our return trip Colonel O"Neill?" Teal'c asked as he started the car.

"Nah, I should help Carter clean up, we left an awful mess in their." He said as Teal'c bowed his head slightly, agreeing that it was probably the best thing to do.

As he walked back in he was greeted by Sam, as she roughly pushed him against the door and kissed him, a long lingering kiss, full of love, and barely restrained passion and desire, pulling back she nuzzled his neck gently before resting it against his shoulder.

"I've been wanting to do that all day." She admitted as he chuckled.

"Me too." He admitted as he turned her around and walked behind her into the living room, still strewn with wrapping paper, Sam eyed him carefully before she slid a cd into her player, skipping to the song wanted before turning towards him.

"Dance with me Jack." She said, a statement more than a question as he moved into her arms, the haunting tune ringing so true to their lives as they began to sway gently to the soft music.

We lead two different lives  
Just like two lines that never cross  
And here we are together  
Standing closer than we ought  
But we're still standing here, untouched  
Too scared to make a move  
We want so much to touch  
And we can't wait forever  
We know it's dangerous  
For us to be together

How do we ever keep this secret?  
How do we keep it in the dark?  
And if we dared to taste our weaknes  
How could we tear ourselves apart?  
Why do we keep this lie together?  
Didn't we know right from the start?  
That we would have to keep this secret  
Or forever stay apart

I watch you coming to me  
Walking in the pouring rain  
I can't help looking at you  
Wishing I could stay away  
So many times I tried, in vain  
To close my eyes and pray it goes away  
To let you go would be too much for me to take

How do we ever keep this secret?  
How do we keep it in the dark?  
And if we dared to taste our weakness  
How could we tear ourselves apart?  
Why do we keep this lie together?  
Didn't we know right from the start?  
That we would have to keep this secret  
Or forever stay apart  
Oooh, I can't help thinking when I look into your eyes  
How much I need you, it's so hard, hard

How do we ever keep this secret?  
How do we keep it in the dark?  
And if we dared to taste our weakness  
How could we tear ourselves apart?  
Why do we keep this lie together?  
Didn't we know right from the start?  
That we would have to keep this secret  
Or forever stay apart

As the music finished, Jack could feel her tears on his neck, it hurt them both to keep this façade going, but they had promised, no regrets. And this year had proved it, they had barely managed to survive this year, it was a miracle that they were all still here really. It had been a year fraught with danger, full of death, full of pain, and they were still here, in each other's arms.

"Jack?" Sam's voice broke through his thoughts as he pulled back slightly, a loving smile crossing his face as he gazed at her.

"yeah?" he asked, giving her waist a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

"I love you." She whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his lips as he sighed.

The past year weighed heavily on his shoulders, but knowing that he had Sam…his Sam, the love of his life to come back too, a reason to keep fighting made the pain of bearing that weight just a little easier.

It was hard keeping this from their friends, Sam mused later as they lay curled in a loving embrace, covered in a warm blanket as they gazed into the flickering flames of the fire, but it was worth it. The year had been hard, long…full of painful losses, but also of incredible gains. And that made the lying, the secrets…the hidden truth just a little bit easier to bear, just a little bit easier to live with, since that was what they wanted, to live for today with no regrets, and if they had to keep the truth from their friends…to protect them as well, then so be it. Sometimes, secrets and lies were the best course of action, no matter how painful it was.

* * *

**Hope you liked it, next chapter will hopefully be 'Point of View'.  
**


	16. Point of View

**Disclaimer: Stargate is not owned by me. Neither are the characters. I just like taking them out and playing with them every now and then. **

**Spoilers: Point of View**

**Rating: T (teeny mention of adult stuff, but, really only hinted at.)**

**Good god, its been too long between updates and for that I am incredible sorry. But I honestly tried to keep this closer to the original storyline but kept getting stuck at the end...who HONESTLY kisses someone when there double is watching...a double who happens to be your 2IC? and in my case...their lover as well...I mean, are his brains made out of bricks or something? So in the end, I rewrote the ending...to how it should have been, the kiss and its problems should never have come into the original, it just brings up too many problems...too many emotions, and...I would have loved to see how the writers would have dealt with the aftermath of this episode...they never did though did they? Just...ignored it, like nothing had ever happened...stupid people. Anway, I hope you like it and once again, I am truly sorry that its been so long between updates. I've had a serious case of writers block the last 3-4 weeks, and have barely written a thing, only 1 or 2 new ideas and this...so, I forced myself to sit down and write this chapter. **

* * *

Groaning, I rolled over to clasp the object that had so rudely interrupted my sleep, a huge grin appeared as I felt the long lean arms of my lover move to wrap around my torso, her face nestling against the nape of my neck as I heard her murmur sleepily into my skin. "O'Neill." I spoke into the phone, already knowing who it was likely to be. 

"Colonel O'Neill, there is a situation that requires your presence on base." The cool voice of Walter came through the handset as Sam's beeper vibrated on the dresser, finally waking her as her head appeared over my shoulder, blinking the sleep from her eyes.

Holding back a yawn I sat up in the bed, the cool air of the morning hitting my torso as the blanket slipped down. "Immediately?" I mumbled as Sam fumbled with her beeper, her movements jerky and slow with sleep and I knew that a stupid grin was on my face knowing that I was one of the few people lucky enough to see Sam Carter before her first cup of coffee, and that she wasn't a very chipper and coordinated as most people would believe.

"Yes sir, as soon as possible. You are to meet with General Hammond in the infirmary" Okay, now that certainly got me interested…though being on SG-1, and therefore team mates with Daniel, being called into the infirmary was not exactly a new thing…but wouldn't he have mentioned Daniel?

"Thank you Walter." I responded shortly, cutting the phone off as I turned to face Sam. "SGC?" I questioned as she picked her cell up.

"Yeah, 911M in fact." She replied as she slid out from under the covers, my hockey jersey clinging to all her curves as I followed her into the bathroom.

"The usual?" I questioned as I turned the faucet on in the shower, watching as Sam gathered her toothbrush and other products into a small bag.

Zipping it shut, she turned to face me, a rueful expression on her face as she sighed. "If you mean hauling my gear into a back pack and climbing your back fence so your neighbours don't see me…then yeah." She answered quietly as I gathered her in my arms, pressing a soft kiss against her forehead at the same time.

"One day Sam…we won't have to hide." I promised her as she pulled free of my arms. "And one day, we'll get through a down-time without being called into the SGC." I added hoping to get a grin from her, I knew that ever since Christmas she had been fighting an inner battle…I knew she hated lying to our friends…but it was better this way, for both us and for them.

Standing on tiptoes, she brushed a soft kiss across my lips, her fingers dancing across my shoulder before they wrapped around my neck, deepening the kiss for a moment before she pulled away completely. "Love you." She told me earnestly, a hand gently cupping my face for a second before she was gone. I already knew that by the time I got out of the shower, the bed would be made, the dishes stacked in the rack and she would be gone. Normal couples got to spend Sunday on the couch, drinking coffee and reading the paper before arguing over how long it had been since the lawn was mowed. Not us, we had to climb fences in the dead of the night, lie to friends, to our family, to the USAF…just so that in this short brutal life, we could have just a moment of pure happiness (or if you count last night, 3 moments of pure happiness.) We both hated it, and as the hot water stung my back and drove away the sweat that had dried on my skin, I pounded my fist against the white tiled wall of the shower, angry that the very administration that we were serving under were so willing to deny us happiness.

* * *

Stretching as I entered the grey walls of the SGC, the soft leather of my jacket crinkling as I entered the infirmary…and stopped dead. It was Sam. But… "Woah…Carter?" Hair. Long. Her hair was long…I had only seen pictures of Sam with her hair that length but she had been a teenager at the time. And she was wearing more make-up than I had ever seen on her…it was her…but not, if you get my drift.

Her eyes opened slightly as she saw me. "Jack?" she questioned, clearly shocked to see me here.

"Jack?" I echoed quickly, my brain in hyper-drive as I scrambled to try and figure out what the hell was going on.

"It's me. It's Sam." Well, that much was obvious. "Uhh…yeah." I answered stepping closer to her as General Hammond glanced up at me, trying to gauge my reaction to her calling me Jack, a name which never came from her on base.

"I never expected this variation. You're alive." She mumbled, her eyes pained as she blinked back tears. And then…Kawalsky appeared and everything went to hell in handbag.

The long haired Sam, imposter Sam in my mind, was from an alternate reality…a reality where the Goa'uld had invaded Earth. And I was dead. Well, that wasn't just right. And they had never heard of Daniel…strange that…both realities that had been taken over by the Goa'uld…Daniel wasn't a part of the program. Same with Teal'c. Found that interesting.

You know what the most confusing part of this whole thing was? What reality was actually the real reality? From which one had the other branched off from…it was one of those 'what came first, the chicken of the egg' problems. But the thing that really got me thinking was yeah, AU Sam was with AU Jack. But he was gone, killed by the Goa'uld. So whilst they were allowed to be together, her not being in the military and all, it hadn't had a fairytale ending. Neither had the one from the other alternate universe, he had died and so had she. Maybe it'd be different in this reality. Hopefully. But one had to think…what if there was a reality out there where we weren't together…maybe on that fateful night when Sam had walked into that bar, what if in some other reality she had never done that, she had simply driven past and not stopped. Fork in the road stuff huh? I just hoped, that if there was a reality out there where Jack and Sam existed and they weren't together that they would get there chance some day, coz we are pretty damn good together. And hey, out of 3 known realities we were together in all 3 of them. Funny that.

George wasn't too happy with the presidents decision to let them stay here, he was right, some lines weren't meant to be crossed…but I'm not exactly one to stick to lines and rules so I can't really talk. I don't know why I offered to tell them, brain fade maybe? Or…I dunno, some sort of weird want to know AU Sam. Oh god, she's crying, I was never good at handling crying, especially when it's Sam. I hate seeing her hurt, seeing her cry…seeing her heart break.

"I can't even begin to know what you've been through, uhh, I know you've lost a lot."

"I lost you. I watched you die, Jack. Three days ago, trying to defend the mountain. And here you are alive and safe in this perfect world and you don't even know me." Her words were punctuated by soft sobs as she turned away from me.

"That's uhh…not exactly true. I do see her as more than just an Air Force officer." I told her quietly as I edged round to sit next her, my gaze immediately drawn to the photo on the night stand.

"Oh…" Sam let it slide as she wiped away her tears, her eyes softening as she understand the full weight behind my words. "Ohhhh…you mean…you two…"

Not wanting to voice my answer, I simply inclined my head slightly, thankful, and not for the first time, that the cameras couldn't record sound.

"Well, that's…interesting." She mumbled as the door was suddenly pushed open to reveal an airwoman holding a tray of food.

"Just leave it on the table and close the door on your way out." I instructed her as I watched Sam out of the corner of my eye.

Things were just getting weirder and weirder, I thought to myself as I held her tightly, comforting her in the only way I knew how as she sobbed softly into my BDU's mourning the loss of her husband…me…like I said, this was certainly a weird situation. And, as I left her quarters, hopeful that I had been able to help AU Sam in some small way…I ran into Sam, my Sam.

"Carter." I acknowledged in greeting, easily falling back into the façade that had become our lives.

"Sir." She responded, coming to a halt in front of me. "General Hammond told me of the president's decision, I took the liberty of informing Kawalsky." She informed me, chewing her lip slightly. "I was just on my way to inform…Samantha." Sam hesitated as she spoke her AU's name, clearly at odds as to what to call someone, who was essentially, her.

"I think its best if we leave her alone for awhile." I told her softly drawing her to the side of the corridor. "She's mourning the loss of her husband…I think she wants to be left alone." I added quietly, so that no-one passing could hear my words.

"Oh…okay."

"So, how are you dealing with this twin thing?" I asked her, itching to reach out to touch her…to reassure her, but knowing that I couldn't do it, I simply had to use my words and my eyes, which was never enough…never would be enough.

"Got a couple of hours?" she responded, smiling wryly as she shrugged her shoulders slightly, a gesture I had come to learn meant that she was confused with things.

Tilting my head to the side, I cast a quick glance around the now empty corridor. "Okay, I'll drop by your quarters in 30." I told her quietly, knowing that her quarters were right next to her lab so hardly anyone would be around, seeing as he lab was so secluded from anyone elses.

"Okay…goodnight sir." She responded sharply, as she turned on her heel and walked towards the lift. It was a risk, we both knew that, we'd only done this a couple of times, meeting on base, nothing would happen of course…sometimes we just needed to talk…and Sam had really comfy chairs in her quarters, cramped though they were she had added little touches that gave it a homey feeling, a vase of fake flowers on the book shelf, a picture of Cassie, one of her brother and his family…things like that. Unlike mine, the only trace that someone lived in mine were the stack of comics on the desk and the collection of broken yoyos on the shelf.

Of course, things are never that simple, before I had even reached Sam's quarters we were called back to the infirmary. Trouble, it seemed, followed the members of SG-1 around like foul stench…and it didn't even seem to matter if they were from an alternate reality! Sam, AU Sam, that is, was dying. Seemed that one reality wasn't meant to have two of the same person in it.

And of course, we…I couldn't let that happen. She might not be my Sam, but she was still a Sam and…I didn't want to be responsible for her death, I couldn't be responsible for her death, I would never be able to live with myself if that happened, and the fact that I would still see her face, although in the form of someone else I would still see her.

After the Sams had figured out how to use that device I built when I went Ancient, and Daniel had learnt how to use the Quantum Mirror we geared up and shipped out…figuratively speaking, since we weren't even leaving the mountain. After infiltrating Teal'c into there ranks (surprisingly easy really, just had to lure AU T into a room and blast him) and we had to get to the energy relay room, that too was surprisingly easy.

And Kawalsky just had to put his foot in it too. "So, you and Sam never had a thing in your reality?" he asked me as I hooked up the device.

"Sam is a Major in the Air Force." I responded tensely, not even answering the question as he glanced back at me, his eyebrows raised in silent question, Charles knew me…better than most people, and he knew Sam too, maybe he saw through us. Or maybe he knew that we had something…something that went beyond realities…I dunno.

"I know, Air Force regulations. You looked pretty good together though." He told me, and to be honest, I don't know what reality he meant when he said that. Flipping the switch, my heart gave a little lurch as it lit up, knowing that Sam had pulled off yet another miracle. Tapping Kawalsky on the shoulder, we headed up to the storage room where the mirror was being held, hoping that everything had gone to plan.

Kicking the door open, we realised that everything had been going too easy til now. Your luck never holds out long, especially when a lot of this mission was held together with a heck of a lot of luck. In a scene that was becoming all too familiar, we were hauled before our 'god' to answer his questions. And for once, we actually tried to give them. And still got shot. Ironic huh?

Gotta love those Asgard though, great timing those guys have. Saved our butts once again. And General Hammond…well, I guess he was still…fresh…enough to revive, so I knew that their world was in safe hands, with Sam and George still left, that was when I knew our time was up. It had been a real blast to be back with Kawalsky, if for only a short time. I guess I missed him more than I thought, he was a damn good friend to me…helped me through some dark times too, through some dark places. And whilst Sam does know quite a lot of that…Kawalsky was there, he saw it, he felt it…he lived it, and…you can't quite understand what its like if you've never lived through it. Saying goodbye was hard, just like Samantha said…but, at least I had my Sam to go back too. She didn't have anyone, well…Kawalsky, but it's not quite the same thing is it?

After nodding T and Daniel through, I quickly pulled Samantha into a hug, letting her say goodbye to the man she loved…trying to give her some closure I guess.

"I miss him." She mumbled into my chest, not even trying to hide.

Whispering into her ear, so that Kawalsky couldn't hear, I told her what I already knew in my heart. "Samantha, if what he felt for you, was what I feel for my Sam…then you were his guiding light, his shining star, and the woman who he loved more than life itself, and even if you had just a short time together, remember this. He would have been the happiest he had ever been in his life. Because you were his life." Her sobbing has ceased by the time I had finished, my fingers softly stroking along her spine, hoping that Samantha found this as comforting as my Sam did.

Pulling away from me slightly, she blinked up at me through red tinged eyes. "Thank you Jack." She whispered as her arms unwound from my neck…though I'm not sure when that happened exactly.

"For what?" I asked her, confused as to what she was thanking me for.

Smiling that Sam grin…that one I knew that was reserved for me alone, that one that made my stomach do odd lurchy things and my heart to flutter. "For being you…for loving her…for everything I guess."

"I am who I am…and I can't help but love her, just like your Jack couldn't help but love you. Sam, I want you to know this. You made me a better person. You saved me. You guided me, and you were there for me. It is I who should be thanking you."

Tears began to fall freely once more down her cheeks as she stepped away, wiping them away with her sleeve. "You should go." She whispered, indicating the mirror that was still shimmering…my Sam waiting for me, along with Daniel and T. "Don't…" she began, shaking her head as if deciding not to continue.

"What?" I asked, as I turned away from the mirror to face her.

"Don't wait too long…you never know how much time you have."

"That's why we are doing this, because we know that we might never get our chance…we take this risk of being together, because of the risk we take every time we step through that gate. We know that one day, one, or both of us wont come back. And we don't want regrets." I told her, repeating what Sam and I had often said in our time together, seeing her incline her head slightly in acknowledgment, I knew she understood…she was technically Sam afterall, they did have a similar thought process.

Reaching out, I touched the device with the palm of my hand and, with a small electrical shock found myself staring back into the world that I had just helped to save as Kawalsky moved to wrap an arm around Samantha's shoulders as she turned away from the mirror, hiding her pain from us as it went dark.

The debriefing sure was interesting, General Hammond certainly asked a lot of questions about the AU, and we did do our best to answer them, but we…we just wanted to go home, it had been a long and confusing couple of days, and seeing the destruction of there world and knowing how easily it could happen to us, made it all seem so much clearer as to why we were fighting so damn hard every single day, if anything it made our resolve only clearer. That we would defeat the Goa'uld, and free the enslaved peoples of this galaxy, and if we did ever get to the point where we knew we were going to be defeated…we would go out with a bloody big bang. Take as many of the snakeheads with us.

* * *

Knocking on her backdoor, the glass shuddering under my fist. I waited for her to unlock it, knowing she was at home, her car in the street made that clear and the soft sounds of the television playing were obvious even through the glass.

The door slid open, revealing a Sam that I had rarely seen before, her eyes were red with tears as she sniffled at me. "Oh Sam." I whispered as I stepped inside and gathered her as close as humanly possible. "What is it?"

Hiccoughing against my chest. "I can't…what she must be going through. Losing you like that…then showing up here and seeing you…god it must have been so hard." She managed to sob out against my chest as I walked her backwards towards the couch and gently lowered her onto it. "I…know we walk a dangerous line, doing what we do. But…I don't think I could survive losing you."

Sitting down next to her, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she began to cry again. "Oh Sam…c'mere." I gently patted my lap as she crawled into my arms, holding onto me with everything she had. "You're stronger than that." I whispered into her hair, trying to make her see herself the way I saw her, as an incredible, independent, intelligent woman with a heart that defied belief.

"I'm no…"

I quickly interrupted her, my hand tilting her face towards mine and spoke more forcefully than I ever had. "You are an incredible woman Sam, you can do things that make my head whirl, you…you don't see things for what they are, you see things for what they can be. You love unconditionally, and you fight with everything you have, you are, without a doubt, one of the most incredible humans in the galaxy Sam. It might be hard. But you would fight on. Promise me that. That if the worst should happen…you'll keep going?"

Blinking back tears as she reached up to softly stroke my face. "I promise." She affirmed as she kissed me softly…tenderly, her lips caressing mine as she shifted her body closer to mine, wanting more contact…needing more contact, needing as much as I could give her, and that was everything…always had been and always would be. Sam was my world, my everything and if, like the AU Jack and Sam, the worst should happen to me, I knew she would continue fighting, because Sam (and this was true with AU Sam as well) was a fighter. The world might seem a little darker, and it might be a little harder to wake up in the morning, she would continue to do it, day in and day out. Fighting for the future that we never got, but deserved. She was Sam Carter. Brilliant, loving, down to earth, funny, my world and when she put her mind to something she could do anything.

And, as I carried her into her bedroom, I made my own silent oath that I would fight out of hell itself to come back to her. I couldn't imagine a world without her in it, a world without her blue eyes, a world without that smile that could make my knees tremble and my heart to jump crazily in my chest, a world without that incredible brain of hers, a world…without Sam was no world I wanted to be a part of. I knew what she meant, and god if my ego didn't get a tiny bit of stroking, knowing that she needed me as much as I needed…craved her. She was Sam Carter. My everything. And I was Jack O'Neill. And I was but half a man without her by my side.

* * *

**So, I hope the wait was worth it. I really do. And once again, I apologize for it being so long between updates. 2 months is...bad...lazy in fact! Am hoping to up my production output to a chapter every 2 weeks, but that depends on my homework...good news though, only 6 weeks until I have no uni and no exams. So, hopefully I'll be able to increase the amount of chapters I can write. **


	17. Table of Contents

**Table of Contents**

bold indicates that it had been uploaded to this site.

This will be edited after every new chapter is added, and will ALWAYS be the last chapter in the list. The name will ALWAYS be "Table of Contents"

Season 1   
**The Start of it all  
Children of the Gods  
Aftermath  
Emancipation  
Cold Lazarus  
Solitudes  
1997: A year in Review**

Season 2  
**In the line of duty  
Only You Valentine's Day '98**  
**Message in a Bottle  
Secrets**  
**The Tok'ra (Part One)  
The Tok'ra (Part Two)**  
**The Fifth Race**  
**Out of Mind/ Into the Fire**  
** 1998 in review**

Season 3  
** Point of View**  
Jolinar's Memories  
The Devil You Know  
Urgo  
A Hundred Days  
Shades of Grey  
1999 in review

Season 4  
Upgrades  
Divide and Conquer  
Window of Opportunity (gotta admit, I'm going to have some fun with this one.)  
Beneath the Surface  
Tangent  
Entity  
2000 in review

Season 5  
Desperate Measures  
Meridian  
2001 in review

Season 6  
Abyss  
Metamorphosis  
2002 in review

Season 7  
Grace  
Fall (out) from Grace  
Chimera  
Death Knell  
Heroes (Part One)  
Heroes (Part Two)  
Lost City (Part One)  
Lost City (Part Two)  
2003 in Review

Season 8  
New Order (Part One)  
New Order (Part Two)  
Zero Hour  
Affinity  
Threads  
Moebius Part 1 and 2 (I'm still not entirely sure about this one, as it sorta ends the same way as Threads…except there is a fish in the pond.)  
2004 in review

Okay, somewhere along the way…the seasons got all weird…so the yearly reviews end up being a year earlier than their screen date…ah, well doesn't matter really…

I'm going to warn you all now, I'm going to write this as if Season 9 and 10 never happen, because, for me, Stargate SG-1 really finished with Moebius Part 2. So, yes my ending will not allow a follow on into Season 9 because in my mind they do not exist.

I have actually also written the final chapter of this story, I know, weird huh? It'll get edited along the way, but I found the perfect song to end it on, and I just wanted to get it down and out of my head so that I could concentrate on the Seasons.

Okay, yeah I may be getting Season 9 and 10, but that's just to finish the collection off, plus I really want to get "200"…and any episode with RDA in it, because, let's face it, he's a hunk! (okay, old enough to be my father…okay, wow, he was 37 when I was born…god he could nearly old enough to be my grandfather…he's still hot though.)

Please feel free to suggest Episodes, particularly in Seasons where I had only listed 2-3 episodes. I'll take into account any suggestions, and yeah… This list will be edited along the way, with me removing episodes and adding new episodes in.

Thank you again, to all my faithful readers and reviewers, by reading and reviewing this story you encourage me to keep writing it.

PS, feel free to suggest songs as well, always looking for songs to use :)


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